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Comment by ak217 | Hacker News Reader

The second comment...

I am over the bruises to my ego; I just ignore my mother-in-law completely now. The worst thing though is the impact on my kids. We were making $120K plus two years ago. Now, about $35K. Lost the house. Thankfully still in the same school. That said, the kids went from being respectably comfortable in their cohort to being comfortable if tattered (used clothes, battered rental, same old car, no summer trips, etc.). Thank God they are still young (just started third grade) but we're not having any sleepovers here no matter how much they ask. I am afraid for the social impact on them.

I have a very hard time sympathizing with this person. They ooze entitlement and crave validation in every sentence.

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I didn't mind these folks so much. They're doing it rough, but they're working hard at taking care of their kids, at least they're not trying to blame someone else for their problems. I'm sure these folks will end up fine.

The folks who are shocked and disappointed that the universe has failed to reward them for all their hard work at a PhD in Womens' Studies, on the other hand, I fail to sympathise with.

What on earth are you talking about? This sounds like projection to me because I didn't read anything like that in there.

It sounds to me like this person grew up poor and knows what it means. This stupid idea that poor = lazy/bad is so entrenched in the US society (and was when I was growing up too) that it can ruin your social life from very early on. If I were in his shape I would do anything I had to to make sure my children's peers thought of them as at least middle class so they would have better social connections later in life.

Failing that, I would just let my kids know that when they get college age we're moving somewhere so they can start a new life.

"This stupid idea that poor = lazy/bad is so entrenched in the US society (and was when I was growing up too) that it can ruin your social life from very early on"

If you aren't mentally or physically unable to do something (which is the case in a small percentage of the population), you shouldn't be poor. There are many opportunities in the US. I've been poor, had many poor friends, and now I'm doing much better.

Poor, many times, can be changed, but people aren't willing to change their lifestyles.

Many people have free time after work (if you aren't working, you have even more free time). I chose to learn a skill during that time. Many of my friends, who still aren't going anywhere in life, chose to drink, have fun, and party with their friends. I sacrificed that time (for awhile at least) for my career.

Many people also don't understand delayed gratification. They need to have everything now and as a result, suffer financially.

"least middle class so they would have better social connections later in life"

When you have more money, it becomes difficult to stay friends with people that are consistently poor. Many times because your problems, outlook on life, and hobbies change.

You, sir, don't have the slightest fucking clue what you're talking about.

okay, tell me why. I'm just telling you my experience of seeing this first-hand many many times.

Your post was so arrogant, offensive and ignorant I don't even know where to start. I suppose I'll just say: don't judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes.

Maybe you've know (of known of) people you thought were scumbags. Maybe they even were, but it's the height of ignorance to assume that all poor people are the same based on that. I can tell you there really are people for whom everything they try just seems to go wrong. And the US is a lot more brutal to failure than most first world countries.

Yeah, me too. I spent a couple of years of my childhood living in a trailer while attending a parochial school (because the local public schools sucked.)

I had a similar childhood. I didn't live in a trailer, but in bad apartment complexes. The local public schools sucked, so my parents sent me to a parochial school with a very affluent student population. My parents didn't make much money, so I got to go for free. I always felt different there for some reason, but I didn't realize why until later: I was the "poor" kid.

I remember a friend's mother giving me a box of his old clothes once. When I was wearing a shirt of his the next day and told him about it, he got very pissed off.

I was usually the only student in my classes who got free lunches. I was too young to be embarrassed, but I think I was treated differently because of it.

So I think being the poor kid can have a stigma, but I still had sleepovers.

Please explain where you see entitlement or a need for validation anywhere in there? It feels to me like you copied and pasted the wrong quote.

Agreed. When will people realize that denying them sleepovers will have a far greater impact on them socially than used clothing?

(Actually used clothing is awesome, I wouldn't have half as many nice shirts if I hadn't bought them used. Oh and you can get suits, ties, utensils, etc as well).

They weren't denying them sleepovers. He was denying letting other kids come to their house. I'm sure they would be happy to have their kids go to other people's house. They just can't let it get out that their kids have poor parents. This can be a really huge deal.

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