1. This kind of thing doesn’t come naturally for a lot of people (myself included)
2. It doesn’t always work even if you do it well. Perhaps the other people are also quite shy.
So the important thing is practice, and to kind of brace yourself going in: “If it doesn’t click with these specific people, I don’t care. This is a practice run and I’ll practice again until it works.”
I’ve found that, paradoxically, one of the things that makes relationships hard is wanting them. When you really desire a friendship or other relationship with someone new, you tend to come off as over-eager or awkward, and that’s off-putting for the other person. Conversely when you can be casual and unconcerned, it makes you seem confident and happy, which other people are drawn to.
So there really is a “fake it till you make it” thing going on, which is quite hard to learn IMO, but can be learned with practice.