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Comment by nbbbbbbbhg | Hacker News Reader

Fear of disappointing others is just about the only thing that actually motivates me to focus, as an ADD person. I did well in school almost solely because I didn't want to let down my teachers. I work now so I don't let down my team.

If I only cared about what I thought, I'd never have the motivation to finish anything

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Personally I stopped this because I became obsessed with performance, depressed, isolated and massively rotting because most of the population couldn't care less about your performance (they'll get jealous, or maybe over idolize you.. it's never what I want anyway).

I'm in Dude (of The Big Lebowsky) mode nowadays.

I operated this way for years, and it's why I became burnt out. It was weaponizing anxiety against myself to overcome the inhibitions of AD(H)D, instead of properly addressing it with a medical professional.

This article is about what you say "yes" to at the start, rather than meeting your commitments.

If you are doing this such that you don't let someone down because you said you would do something, that is separate from you being afraid to say no when you do not have the capacity to say yes without hurting yourself.

People are different. I think we could all be better off if we acknowledged that and acted upon it. I've read about this before as "deadline driven" people and "value driven" people.

As in I am the complete opposite of you in this regard at work. If someone gives me a deadline 'just because' I get this huge repulsive reaction and will actively work against it where I can.

If you lay out all the tasks and their priorities in front of me, I will do the best job I can to finish each one of them in turn and I will do it without checking Facebook for 4 out of 8 hours every day, all by myself. If you tell me I have to do all of these by the end of the day, you're in trouble.

I operate this way as well and only work well under external pressure. Not sure if it's really as unhealthy as it sounds because it's made me happier over time. Alone I would regress into a caveman and live in my own filth.

It can go both ways. Perfectionism, including externally-imposed perfectionism, can be paralyzing. Makes starting impossible if one is constantly trapped in FODO. The only way to win is not to play.

Same here perhaps, but on the other hand... work life balance is sorely missing. Pulling 12 hour days, working 2 jobs, saying yes to everything and everyone...

this works as a motivating impulse until it doesn’t. while it is still working i would encourage you to consider trying to identify what you value so that you have a comprehensible self-perception absent anyone’s expectations of you.

It does serve a way to bear boredom and get things done.

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