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Comment by silisili | Hacker News Reader

Similar thought here. I don't know if it was the era or being relatively poor, but the big change in my life was giftgiving. You used to get a book or sweater or doodad and be wowed and thankful. As an adult it seems everyone has Amazon and everything they want, so what's to do but trade boring gift cards we don't need. How exciting.

I will say one thing I noticed and dislike about myself is how impatient and 'privileged' I've become. I mean, we used to order from Sears or Penney's catalogues as a kid and that stuff took weeks to arrive, and we were thrilled. Today it's all instant gratification. Amazon is a day late and we(I) act perturbed.

I like to watch this Louis CK clip, it really puts me back in place...for a while.

https://youtu.be/kBLkX2VaQs4

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My mom was born in 1939 in France. She told me that she used to get an orange as her Christmas gift (nothing else). She would save her orange for a few days, looking forward to eating it. On the other hand her one brother would eat all of his immediately. I have an orange for lunch every day at work, partly because I like them but also to remind myself of this story and of how relatively good most of us have it these days.

I had some stories from my grandfather (born in 1910) usually around Christmas time, where he'd ... I guess it was complaining - complain we were too spoiled as kids. "When I was your age, I got an orange for Christmas, and I was happy with it!". It really put a damper on things, and... I can't help it that I'm growing up 60+ years later in an era and world where we get oranges cheap at a grocery store. It's just 'normal' - not my fault if he didn't have that 60 years earlier. And yeah, we do have it great in many ways today (and... not so great in others).

I regularly ask my grandmother (born 1918) about the past and how she experienced this and that.

Overall I think she had a relatively simple, but comfortable life. She remembers getting electricity in the 1940s. Before that, they had plenty other ways to provide lighting and heat, so it didn't matter much. The family wasn't rich, but never lacked anything.

Later in her life things got more busy with more travel, vacations, especially after retiring in the 1970s.

She's still very busy with activities every day, but the last couple of years with the pandemic and restrictions was tough. Now that things are getting back to normal, she's really relieved. Even a simple thing like going to the hair-salon makes her day.

> not so great in others

I'm curious what you think is worse in the West now than it was a century ago.

Environmental devastation, at least in terms of footprint, is far worse, both in terms of space and noise. Water and processes are cleaner though. The weather is just fucked.

I was primarily thinking of environment when I wrote that comment, but I think there's probably some other things that are, in some ways, worse.

Physical health probably.

Seems like until 100 years ago it was a lot of work to get obese while today it kind of happens if you don't watch out.

It was a lot of work to not suffer long term effects of common infections too, or even second hand smoke. Or more directly, malnutrition and hunger.

Community

The glue for all communities is need. The less you need others, the less you need to compromise for others. It is a double edged sword though, on one hand you want the resiliency and security a tribe provides in order to make the gamble that can lead you to succeed, but on the other hand, individuals always have a goal of freedom and power for themselves so if they succeed they will no longer need the tribe (or at least as much), and hence there is no longer incentive to compromise for it.

The climate.

I am under the impression that smog and pollution were a big problem for urban areas.

Crime is significantly higher.

Deaths from alcoholism and drug addiction are vastly higher.

Is crime higher, or is it that crime is reported more?

> It's just 'normal' - not my fault if he didn't have that 60 years earlier.

I guess that's just societal progress, which is not only a good thing, but a great thing!

I read a while ago but can't find the source - the average person these days eats better than the King of France did a few hundred years ago... I think about that a lot

This was the case for my parents as well, and despite growing up in an age of abundance, there was still an orange in my stocking every Christmas morning. It's a nice tradition I think.

I remember reading a children's book about getting an orange for Christmas https://www.amazon.ca/Christmas-Orange-Don-Gilmor/dp/1550050...

We don't really have it good though, simply because the universe doesn't work like that. There's no such thing as a free lunch and you're paying a price for all this "goodness".

> As an adult it seems everyone has Amazon and everything they want, so what's to do but trade boring gift cards we don't need. How exciting.

From one terrible gift-giver to another: Once you are no longer poor and the people around you also aren't poor and can afford the things they want, gift-giving becomes about knowing the person. What have they always wanted or needed, but wouldn't get for themselves?

When you distill gifts to a monetary exchange they lose all value. Know the person, show you care, share that you thought about them, that you put effort into their gift. Then gifts become magical and amazing once more.

Your mom appreciates a $600 weekend getaway with her son/daughter infinitely more than a $600 fancy bluetooth speaker.

As Ted Lasso said in a recent episode – the effort is the gift.

Good ideas. I think I like your 'experience' idea. I'm so fixated on things and everyone has 'things.' But experiences, like a spa treatment, massage, or getaway as you say, are things people are probably less likely to do for themselves. Especially if they involve yourself.

Not telling you like I'm teaching you something, I'm literally writing my line of thoughts after reading what you wrote - so thanks.

> Your mom appreciates a $600 weekend getaway with her son/daughter infinitely more than a $600 fancy bluetooth speaker.

Your mom appreciates a $600 weekend getaway with her son/daughter infinitely more than a $6000 fancy dohicky

A relatively low cost but personally impactful gift is giving custom artwork. There are a lot of artists on Etsy and Reddit who make a living off of doing commissioned work.

You give them a reference picture or two, some details and you'll get amazing work back. My wife really likes Studio Ghibli movies and I got a poster done of our kids holding Totoro's hands. Friends looking like super heroes. Folks pets. Honestly really fun gifts to give.

You just have to put some effort into it. I keep an open mind to gifts all year long. Whenever I see something I think suits someone, I buy it and toss it in a big bin for the next birthday or Christmas. Sometimes things sit in the bin for eleven months but every person I give to is surprised by the gift and loves it.

I recently got a hard to find graphics card(GeForce 3080) and at work and friends got mad at me for not immediately opening it up and putting it in my computer.

I waited like 6+ months for it(to not pay scalper) and then when I had it. I waited another 1 or 2 weeks before installing it.

I've developed a weird habit of not opening things I've ordered for many days or even weeks. Its not really intentional or I'm not fighting back any urges. It does feel a bit therapeutic and it helps keep perspective on importance or value of things.

I'd definitely recommend people trying to disconnect the instant gratification for things that aren't immediately needed.

That’s true . That’s why I always get stuff which is relatively cheap but gives me immense happiness, like buying stickers, old books , tattoos (water)

Everyone is so relatively wealthy compared to even 20 years ago that it's hard to imagine what they lack that you could give them, but you view this massive increase in wealth as being itself the problem? ;)

Yor social circle may not include all walks of life :)

Absolutely right, in aggregate we have never been this prosperous. Inequality is a good thing because it shows people take risks. "poverty" is no longer about not meeting your basic needs, it's about seeing your neighbor drive a Tesla.

unless you live in 'deep poverty' https://poverty.ucdavis.edu/faq/what-deep-poverty

s/Everyone is/A lot of people are/

would make this read as less entitled and more purely descriptivist.

Get people gifts that remind them of your relationship.

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