It was not about educational attainment, but about assumed silent expectation that partner does all the housework.
The benefits of the income are shared with the entire household and represent their contribution. It seems reasonable for the other partner to shoulder most of the housework (the benefits of which are also shared with the entire household). The opposite is what would seem unreasonable to me.
For clarity, I’m not saying the employed partner never has to wash a dish or put their dirty socks in the basket.
Unless explicitly arranged and agreed upon by both in advance, it is unfair to assume the partner should be doing it all and that you should be doing only stuff you enjoy.
You can still be equal partners even with vastly disparate incomes simply by treating each other as equals. It’s entirely in your control, as a couple.
If my wife wanted to work a job that earns a fraction of what mine does, I’d still split all the housework equitably because she is my equal no matter what job she works.
There is a point where you hire help and this becomes moot.
Below that point, it comes to how you want to solve the finance problem as a couple IMO: if both your salaries are required, then obviously it means a full split.
Anecdotally - my wife chose to remain home and help raise our child / take care of the home and this turned out to be a force multiplier for me. I don’t think I would’ve made it to where I am, made whatever I made, built all my time sink hobbies without that decision.
It comes down to communication and being truthful to yourself Re: why do you want that job? If it is a passion, you should go for it irrespective of the earnings. If it is just an income, you’re just working for a random person instead of your own family. That’s a tough line to cross, but it worked for us with enough comms.
Your wife and you situation sounds like falling into "mutually agreed upon in advance".
There is a point beyond which earning potential stops being a differentiator: you both have enough that it doesn’t matter. I agree there will be some hard conversations to get out of the preset habits though.
Till the point where the earning is necessary for your lifestyle - I can see how the first and second concept will play out: but that’s the trade off you’re taking for the benefits I mentioned.
I do agree all of this is based on the mutual agreement part. I was just pointing out it isn’t as dire as you say :)
If you're "keeping score" in compensation with your life partner, that seems deeply unhealthy. I'd love for my partner to make some multiple of what I make; we could retire that much earlier.
The vast majority of people don’t genuinely enjoy their 40 hours plus 6 hours of commuting to their income-generating job.
We do it because we like food with our meals.
People who loose their jobs, even if partner earns enough for them to not be in major stress, are unhappy after a week or too. They don't tend to be happy in the long term.
Many jobs and bosses sux. And people in them generally want better job rather then no job. They feel bad when being unemplyed long term.
Most employed people don't enjoy coming home to household work. No one, actually. That is why those are such frequent strain of relationship - cause people rarely like then.
But I think that you really need new job. Cause mine is not 8.5 hours of suckage. People on this forums are not struggling miners in bad economy having no choice but to put up with abusive boss. (And I know miner who claimed he loved his job, but that is one guy).
Anyway, if it is about insisting one has to stay at home, I don't want to be the one stay at home. Because I would not like it. And I would also feel economically in trap - dependent and helpless in case of issues.
This seems like quite the assumption.
My baseline assumption for a functional relationship would be that the partner that has the least time to help with housework would try to pick up the parts of it that the other partner least enjoys.
The original comment and rwsponse were neither about stay at home wife nor about educational differences.