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Comment by VortexDream | Hacker News Reader

I unfollowed everybody, joined a bunch of local special interest groups and met a ton of new people who lived in the same city. Facebook is actually an incredible tool to connect with other people.

But the more I saw how FB behaved, the less I wanted to be involved in any way with their business. I ended up deleting my FB account, which even now 3 years later I feel was a huge loss for me. But I just can't do FB anymore knowing how they're driving outrage and political/societal issues in the name of "user engagement".

I wish there were some alternative, but there isn't. It genuinely feels like I've cut myself off from modern city life without it and it frustrates me so much.

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It is supposed to make you feel that way. That is on FB's agenda to achieve, in order to bind you to their (dis-)services.

Real friends will not require you to use FB and sacrifice your privacy to communicate with them. You might feel a loss, but there are alternative ways of communicating. Get as many friends as possible over to messengers, which are not owned by FB. Give people a call every now and then. Write them SMS, write them e-mail. All of that is better than communication on FB services. Real friends will initiate as well. If you are not on FB, they will have to contact you through other means. If you are not worth the "trouble" or effort in their eyes, then good riddance, you do not need them.

People still use FB marketplace and events. If you can't be reached on events, many times you simply won't be invited.

Some of us see this as a feature and not a bug :)

Some of you are clearly not very social

many years ago you would similarly be excluded from some social stuff if you didn't smoke. That is one of the best business models around - tying, or better even locking in, people's socializing to your product. Humans, being a social animal, have very hard time getting out of such a trap.

I guess you missed the part about meeting new people? I'm in contact with people I know over other apps. But there's no replacement for that discoverability of local groups and events or facilitating the meeting with new people.

When you meet friends, are there never new people around? Do they never introduce you to their other friends? How did people get to know people before FB became big?

There are other websites, where you can find local groups of people. Some also group you into local areas, so you know anyone around there will be living nearby.

I do not see a problem with meeting worthwhile new people.

"FB is the only way." or "there is no replacement" are an illusion.

Meetup? Am I missing something that FB offered vs Meetup other than user base?

(TBH, I never used FB to meet new people, just encourage relationships with people I had met elsewhere and I haven't been on the platform in years)

Every time someone mentions meetup, I go check it out and search for events around me. Nothing in 50 miles.

> If you are not worth the "trouble" or effort in their eyes, then good riddance, you do not need them.

Relationships are a spectrum, and your friends move around on that spectrum over time. Social media gives you the ability to maintain some kind of connection to people even though maybe at a certain point in time, those friends are distant from you on the spectrum. But that can change at any moment and having that line of communication makes it that much easier to reconnect at any given moment.

Sending a text or calling someone randomly is not always easy to do, especially if it's someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Whereas commenting on a post or replying to a story has much less friction and can result in reconnecting with people you otherwise wouldn't.

I've always been surprised that Facebook did not try to spin out Events like they did with Messenger.

Facebook Events is an incredible product.

Facebook created "Facebook Events," later renamed "Facebook Local" for iOS and Android. And nobody I know has ever heard of it.

https://www.facebook.com/local

It appears to not be available in the united states.

> Facebook is actually an incredible tool to connect with other people.

I guess you have to be a certain age, being < 40 you aren't going to meet anyone on FB anymore.

As someone in that cohort who was also there for the "glory" days of early FB (when you had to have a college email to sign up), I have to agree that at this point the idea of making friends on FB weirds me out. How? Why?

FB is what my racist parents use to circle jerk conspiracy theories with their friends in Cabo. Who in their right mind wants that anymore? (This is a rhetorical question, I understand there are still tons of people using FB, presumably because of inertia).

> As someone in that cohort who was also there for the "glory" days of early FB (when you had to have a college email to sign up), I have to agree that at this point the idea of making friends on FB weirds me out. How? Why?

I was a freshman when Facebook was introduced and required a .edu email. I've used it on and off since the beginning. I've made lots of friends there - both local and in other states/countries. It usually comes down to interactions in groups for niche interests. Why is this so striking to you?

Meeting people online before you know them offline is always a risk. People are good at misrepresenting themselves online (either on purpose or by accident).

I just don't know people that still use Facebook with any regularity. I understand selection bias is at play (I'm inclined to hang out with people like myself, and I think Facebook is a flaming trash-pit).

I made friends on Facebook years ago. I felt fundamental changes in both the user-base and use-cases that I don't find enjoyable. I assume most people under the age of 40 feel similarly, and those that don't aren't the type of person I'd want to be around.

I'll rephrase: It's not that I assume nobody is making friends on Facebook in this day and age, just that I'm less likely to want to befriend them myself and I was applying this personal assumption unilaterally.

I completely understand avoiding Facebook; I haven't deleted my account yet, but I've been off it for the past year and a half. I also understand it not being your choice for a people meeting platform. But there is such a variety of users there - I think it's a bit silly for you to think that there's no one there you'd be willing to befriend on Facebook.

I specifically said "less likely". Less is not always "none". I may be willing to befriend .00001% of their userbase today compared to .0001% 10 years ago.

Let's bring this back: Of course there are interesting, worthwhile people on Facebook (presumably you are, and I"m taking time to talk to you). But who cares?

If they're in communities that I'm actively engaging, then I'll find them through those channels. If they're not...I don't care. There are billions of people I will never interact with. And that's fine.

I don't want Facebook. The cons outweigh the pros. This doesn't mean there aren't any pros. I realize now that other people still like Facebook for purposes I don't have.

It's not like I'd make friends on FB itself. For example, there'd be an impromptu meeting of random strangers in town for whatever event and you'd make friends through that. This was only a few years ago.

Or some woman randomly posted that she was going to the movies in like half an hour and would anybody be interested in joining? We became friends from that and ended up doing a lot of things together, and I know I never would've met her otherwise because of how our lives didn't overlap at all before meeting her.

FB can enable a lot of cool meetings with new people that I haven't been able to find anywhere else.

FB is, in the end, a tool. It's what you make of it. If your circle of contacts is tied up in conspiracy Trumpian bullshit, then sure, FB is a cesspool. But I was a part of plenty of special interest groups filled with incredibly friendly and helpful people. It's like a completely different world.

>FB is what my racist parents use

It looks to me like you've got bigger fish to fry than Facebook. It's probably time to give your parents a break.

Oh I haven't spoken to my parents in 2 years. Don't worry, that's taken care of.

I would try and reconnect and avoid politics. If they are older, they might not be around that much longer.

I would advise you not try and make any assumptions about someone else's situation based on about 4 sentences in the comments' section.

The world would be better off without them, nevermind me.

< The world would be better off without them, nevermind me.

That's a hell of a sentence.

I realize grammatically I fucked that one up: I would be better off without them. The world would also be better off without them.

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