Friend, I remember your posts from the past several months. I honestly think you need to go through some therapy. You have been through a lot of bad experiences because of your parents and because of unrealistic expectations put on you. It's not your fault.

But being angry like this is really toxic for yourself. Life should be happier than this for you. Please find a way to talk to a therapist because you need to release your anger, get past your trauma, and find happiness.