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Comment by foobiekr | Hacker News Reader

I've had this experience myself. Actually, your description is so much kinder than mine that I think I will adopt it. What I have said up until now is that as I've gotten older, my emotional level has declined very substantially, especially in the last ten years. It's like the volume got turned down. Very few things bother me, and very few things excite me. I'd associated it until now with a sort of depersonalization but instead I will identify as just being the thing that passes through different states of being.

They're kind of the same thing, but I'd feel less weird saying it the way you did.

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> Very few things bother me, and very few things excite me.

In my view, this is perfectly natural. Your emotions are tied to your expectations. As you grow older, you have seen more things, and better know what to expect. The first time you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as a child, you learn that a delicious treat can be destroyed so easily! When you drop your ice cream cone on the ground as an adult, it's like yeah, well, that happens sometimes, and hey, I've had ice cream a hundred times and I'll have it another hundred times.

In other words, since the second time something happens to you is less noteworthy than the first time, fewer noteworthy things will happen to you per year as you get older. Less noteworthy events means less excitement and a faster apparent passage of time.

Some people, however [0] deliberately try to search out more noteworthy events to counter this temporal trend.

[0] this is not a reference to real persons, living or dead and any similarity to my wife is purely coincidental.

I'd also say that emotional amplitude might be inversely correlated with wealth.

Considering your ice cream example: as a young adult, were I to drop my cone, I'd be distraught, because I've just lost the one little pleasure I so desired, and there's no money in the budget for replacement this week. Today, I'd just shrug and buy a new one.

This applies to almost every other situation in life too. If you have a cash reserve, trivialities just don't bother you anymore (at least until you can't get something because the store run out of stock; the influx of powerful emotions might come as a surprise then).

True to an underrecognized degree. It's a huge component of wisdom. And wisdom - which we might define as consistently well applied knowledge - is pretty ~= capacity for wealth.

More important in this day & age where big tech preys on attention in such a way that default increases emotional volatility.

Not at all. Wealth will not make you content. It is a distinctly different process of growing up that will.

> It's like the volume got turned down.

a bit tangental :) recently I was wearing headphones for a zoom meeting, when someone in the same apartment asked me if I could turn down the volume, since it was so loud they could hear everyone on the meeting even with my headset on.

I had not realized how loud I was turning the system volume up in meetings, and after being conscious to it and joining at half volume, I noticed my stress during meetings and around calls in general has gone down a lot.

When I was a case worker that was one of my go-to's to get back control of a call. Turning the volume down on someone who's screaming at you over the phone makes them seem so small and reminded me that they can't hurt me. Stress goes down quickly.

I can relate. Everything is approaching a bland, grey state of "it just is".

Well, I do still talk down on and find myself frustrated by not progressing my career, but I think I am on a precipice of no longer caring. Reading HN too much is not good for my mental health though I suspect.

Aristoteles wrote this is the goal IIRC. In buddhism they aim for something similar, neither being swayed by your desires nor fears, stay calm enables being able to act instead only reacting to external stimuli on autopilot. Nothing wrong with it IMSO.

I think the word for this is "equanimity" and it is certainly a desirable state.

But it should not be "grey" like the sibling comment indicates but full of joy, bliss and wonder.

I think experiencing equanimity is a sign of releasing the ego which is natural as we age and become less attached to our ideas of who we are and closer to the reality of our impending death

i love coming back to the 4 thoughts (buddhism). 1. impermance 2. suffering 3. karma 4. precious human birth

suffering arises as a failure to recognize impermanence. thoughts and behaviors that reduce suffering create ripple effects (karma), and the same is true of thoughts and behaviors that increase suffering. and it is a rare opportunity to be born as a human and to reflect on our own conciousness and the 4 thoughts.

> IMSO

In my stoic opinion?

"Sincere" fits better.

Subjective

That's me, except I'm in my early-mid 20s and I've always been like that. I describe it as being 'the opposite of neurotic' in a psychological sense.

I had the strategy/mindset that when you are born you get a fixed credit on how you want to spend your emotions in life. When you are young you still have plenty of credit so you spend it on anger that other kids have a nicer laptop or whatever. When you get older you realize that you only have that much credit left to spend wisely on emotions in your life.

Pro tip from me: this mental model sounded nice in bad times. But I would not follow it again any more today, and I would say you have an endless credit of emotions if you want it. Saving your emotions for “the day when you need it” does not make sense any more to me and makes me more happy.

I have a different take after a childhood of repressed emotions and some years of therapy. Emotions come and go, and they aren't what make a person, they are just something that happens.

How we notice and react to our emotions is a choice. Having emotions is not a choice.

you sure that's not a depressive episode worth talking to your doctor about? depression isn't just the stereotypical dread and angst that the movies typically display. it's more of a nothing tastes great anymore, I'm apathetic toward life, nothing excites me, etc.

I'm not the OP, but I've noticed something similar myself. I still have certain things I'm passionate about. But I no longer feel the need (or rather I don't just automatically become invested in every topic that comes up in my environment).

People do outrageous things in the world, and an earlier me might have had a self-righteous anger about it. Today, while I certainly have an intellectual care, I have the luxury of putting such things out of mind and just enjoying my day. I still take proactive steps to better the world where I think it makes sense, but not out any emotional fervor. I save my passions for my family, hobbies, and a subset of professional interests.

I haven't read the book, but from the abstract, I suspect "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck" by Mark Manson is basically where I arrived. I have learned I have only so my F's to give, and so spend them more wisely.

+1 for the book. There are too many things in this always-on world to give a f..k about. I've been trying to enjoy smaller things in life more and do not react to all the shif..ry that always seems to be going on around my immediate world. Much better state of mind.

> I have learned I have only so my F's to give, and so spend them more wisely.

Not entirely 100% percent the same sentiment, but still a pretty good soundtrack for not handing out Fucks too quickly: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vqbk9cDX0l0

Disclaimer: not the OP here.

I can echo what he said though and I can tell you I am definitely not depressed. Some things do excite me, some thing do still piss me off. But overall it's definitely less. Good on the getting aggravated 'for no good reason' side. Sort of sad (not in the being depressed way) on the being excited for something side.

E.g. I still have my pet peeves at work that I will passionately talk about or convince you of. I will not get mad at you any longer if you don't change that variable name to exactly the wording I suggested.

I'm going through this now, and feel embarrassed or ashamed that it might be depression. The phrase "Nothing feels good" is so apt, it keeps running through my head. I don't feel sad, I just feel like everything is meaningless, everything is empty. The only intense emotion that grips me now is anxiety about death, which I had managed to handle for a long time now.

I just post this into the void to avoid burdening my family and friends. I should go do the dishes...

Nothing to be embarrassed about... it's just your brain chemistry not being quite right. an illness like any other. perhaps it's a good idea to talk to your doctor or mental health professional about it?

Not OP, but at least for me it's the deliberate act of not reacting to shit always. Still enjoy a bowl of pasta at my favorite restaurant or a piece of dark chocolate.still joyful seeing the full moon or the occasional mars in the sky!

You could just be depressed

> Very few things bother me, and very few things excite me.

the bother part is fine, but i want to stay being excited even by everyday things like a good book, music, a small treat, a cup of coffee or a meal i just cooked for myself.

not worrying about everything does not have to mean not to be excited about everything.

(i guess it also comes down to how one defines "excited")

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