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Comment by DoreenMichele | Hacker News Reader

Stick to discussing the idea I'm suggesting and don't tell me and the world what I should think of my own father.

While I am making this follow up comment, I will add that no one ever once characterized him as an alcoholic, he never attended AA or any kind of treatment, and my mother did not care that he drank heavily because "he was never a mean drunk and there was always enough money."

All the stories I heard growing up about his legendary drinking were told as humorous stories that my parents laughed about from the good old days. I'm the youngest of three children. My father never hid his drinking from anyone. I just didn't happen to personally witness it because he largely stopped after he left the military even before he officially announced that he was quitting.

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> no one ever once characterized him as an alcoholic, he never attended AA or any kind of treatment, and my mother did not care that he drank heavily because "he was never a mean drunk and there was always enough money."

I feel like whenever I read a description of alcoholism, an essential component of it is that you can't stop drinking despite it negatively affecting your health, work, relationships, etc. If he was able to drink at that level without causing those negative consequences, then I think it makes sense that no one would have thought of him as an alcoholic.

It was also a different world back then. Drinking and smoking weren't stigmatized like they are now and there were fewer OTC drugs to medicate aches and pains. People with physically demanding jobs routinely had a beer at the pub on the way home to ease their aches and help them sleep and it wasn't anything you needed to explain or justify.

Again, I’m not here to fight you. I still struggle with addiction, so I’m seeing if I have any insight to offer. The reasons are often so damn simple, but the solutions are the slipperiest of slopes. That’s how we slide into it, for literally the simplest reasons.

Yeah, it could be the nightmares, or it could be something even simpler.

Alcohol is known to suppress dreams. It's a physical mechanism impacting brain function in that regard.

I'm not suggesting "suppressing nightmares about the war" is the reason other people drink. Just that was the reason I believe my own father drank. It's a conclusion that took me a long time to make and it's based on an analysis of the facts of his life.

If you are still struggling with addiction, maybe you don't yet have the answers you need. Maybe the pat answers you are parroting are part of the problem.

They are answers that actively promote a sense of helplessness and actively discourage pinpointing a specific cause. I'm suggesting that's exactly the problem with our current mental models.

Edit: I will also add that suppressing nightmares is about being able to sleep through the night so you can do your job the next day, not necessarily about avoiding negative feelings per se. Plenty of people take sleeping pills and are not characterized as addicts for trying to address their sleep issues so they can function.

With kids to feed, one does what he or she has to do to go through backbreaking or stressful work.

Drinking suppresses nightmares but gives a less refreshing sleep. Must have been tough to make that choice... I wonder if he smiled less or had trouble enjoying things when he stopped... More stress or less patience. But you already shared so much about your father, you don't need to answer!

As for the sleeping pills, after I've seen how they made my grandpa dependent, and now that I'm trying to taper off antidepressants, I'd like to moderate. They probably are addicts, just not with the negative connotations of addict, if you see what I mean. I wished we'd help more people tapering off stuff.

Kudos, though, to people doing what they can to give their children and spouse a life without money worries.

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