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Home Assistant is the leader here. One of the largest projects on GitHub with a “local-first” philosophy. They have a cloud service for exposing your instance but you don’t have to use it.

I’ve been using it for years and it’s matured quite a bit recently. Combine with Zwave of ZigBee devices and the only thing you need internet for is voice assistant if you want it (Totally not required)

This is what Nabu Casa is doing with home assistant. At the other extreme by size Apple’s HomeKit is local-first too and they play well together.

One of the best options is locally hosted Home Assistant. Local, private, and connects to an enormous number of devices and services.

https://hubitat.com/ is local. It's worked well for my house

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