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Comment by petercooper | Hacker News Reader

It's interesting how cultural norms vary around interactions with strangers. I'm British, so interactions with strangers are often limited to a reluctant "hi" if out walking at quiet times of the morning – yet when I went to the US, people would say hi in hotel elevators(!) and I had a random guy give me a quarter when he saw me struggling with change for a meter – things that had never happened to me in the UK. I think I learnt more about small talk over my numerous trips to the US than I ever did in decades of growing up in the UK, but it's benefitted me back here too, because really it's about initiating such interactions, not just stumbling into them.

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Do you mind if I ask where you're from in the UK? I find that there's an awful lot of variation between different regions. For a few years now, I've lived and/or worked in London, where chatting to strangers is not the done thing. But travel to certain parts of the north of England, or Scotland or South Wales, and the norms are much more like what you describe in the US. My father was from South Wales and he loved visiting the States, where he found people to be open and friendly and willing to chat, just like they were where he grew up.

London for 20 years then "oop north" for 20 years, so I know what you mean. Talking to strangers is more natural up here for sure, although there is still a wall of "why is this person talking to me?" to break through at the start of any conversation. I think maybe the accent breaks through a lot of barriers in the US.

It's curious to me that I've on a number of occasions seen UK folks make reference to the horrors of US folks saying hello in the elevator. Generally here in the US I don't see a lot of that. It's usually a dance of awkwardly looking around so as to not make eye contact and then have to acknowledge others in the elevator. More recently, cell phones make it easier to have something to stare at. Perhaps it is other parts of the US where folks typically chat in the elevator?

When I was in Tokyo last, I got in the elevator and there was one other guy in there with me. He asks me if I'm American and when I said yes, he grinned approvingly and enthusiastically said he, in fact, was South Korean. I was very confused as to why he thought that meant we had some kind of connection. He then asked if I wanted to come back to his room for a drink, which made me very uncomfortable because I just wasn't able to read the social cues well enough to understand his intentions. I politely said I was busy. I'm guessing he was just trying to be friendly, but I sorely wished I could just stare at my cell phone and not interact with him.

Could it be a California thing? I've spent perhaps 90% of my US based time there.

I was very confused as to why he thought that meant we had some kind of connection.

Both foreigners/travellers, perhaps?

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