Comment by erikb | Hacker News Reader

Comment by erikb | Hacker News Reader

I would suggest you really learn to know some real people. And "really" really means "real life". There are things about communcation (non-verbal for example) that you can not have over the internet. Also a relationship will never reach the depth of a comparable real life relationship, if you never see the other person.

From that post it is pretty clear that you have nearly no experience with human beings (who consider writing to 400 people for no real reason creepy and call one-month-old-relationships not friendship) and also don't like to have. That itself is okay from my point of view. But it also means that you can not do anything connection related. You are just not the type of person for that. Don't take it too personal. I myself am not the want-to-know-everybody type. That's why I can easily recognise someone who has the same illusions I had when I was younger (and to some degree probably still have).

Another tip I want to give you just to help you not "burn your hands": If you make one relationship in 1 or 2 years that you can really call a friendship, then you are more successful in that job then most people! Your count at the moment is not 50, it is zero. You don't know how people are different if you really learn to know them, how many people are nice to you for a short term, but actually don't care about you and also how many people are out there who want to gain from your disadvantage. Be careful, please.

Having friends on the internet to the exclusion of real life friends is certainly bad but meeting people on the internet does not preclude getting to know them in real life. Location isn’t even much of a barrier any more. I did a programming competition with a guy in Canada—I’m in the UK—and he invited me over there when I later publicly complained that my job was starting to suck on a forum. I went for 3 weeks and had an awesome time.

Even if you never meet any of the people you talk to on the internet in real life. So what? You still made a load of internet buddies. And there’s great value in having a little roster of people you can turn to for advice, guidance, and opinion. The system he’s using is already self-selecting for those who are open enough to be suitable for such things.

    From that post it is pretty clear that you have 
    nearly no experience with human beings

How is that clear? You can speculate, sure. But I just see someone motivated to make connection with people.

    who consider writing to 400 people for no real 
    reason creepy

Creepy for some. It depends how paranoid you are.

    and call one-month-old-relationships not friendship

He wouldn’t be the first blogger in the world prone to exaggeration.

    people are out there who want to gain from your
    disadvantage. Be careful, please.

Yes, there are scum bags, con artists, and assholes. We’ve all met them. But isolating yourself away from all people just because of those bad ones is not a good idea. The skill you need to work out who you like and who you don’t is what’s important and you can only learn that by practicing, which means exposing yourself to lots of new people. How else can you learn? Besides the author is doing things in a pretty safe way by getting to know people over the internet and with Skype first. FUD and attempts to build a fortress around yourself are actually dangerous.

Even if you don’t agree with me. I just prefer to live this way: I prefer to believe it’s better to connect with people; I prefer confidence to shy timidness; I prefer to look enthusiastic when meeting a new person over fearful judgment. All the other things eat away at me and turn me into a scared person. I hate that.

Thanks for the great insight.

With the help of skype, you can see body language, tone (non-verbal communication) almost as well as real life now.

Location isn't a barrier anymore and that's what makes the internet so powerful.

>The system he’s using is already self-selecting for those who are open enough to be suitable for such things.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Most of the 50 people I've talked I've connected with for at least six months.

The way I make messages online pretty much ignores small talk. I try to steer the conversation to that depth as quickly as possible. If someone is willing to tell you about their deep experiences (and it makes logic sense) then they're most likely authentic.

Hello Erik, Thanks for the constructive criticism.

I'm not here to please the people who think that writing to 400 people to make friends is creepy. Everyone makes friends and eventually you'll have to talk to 400 strangers whether or not it's formal/non-formal.

> But it also means that you can not do anything connection related.

Well that vision is a work in progress. I can't please everyone but I can extend my hand to everyone to give them the opportunity to connect. If they see it as creepy, their loss.

There's something called growth. If I can grow into connecting, great. If not, it's worth a shot to try anyways.

Those 4 people who are extremely close I've known for 1-4 years. You did make a good point about the 50 friends. However, like I said before, each person has their own interpretation of what a friend is. If it's a year, then it's a year for some. If you want to use the year requirement, then I'll say the 50 number drops to more like 15, not zero.

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