How I Made 50 Friends In One Month

It really comes down to taking the initiative. The goal when you first meet someone you like (aside from the rare person you meet on a plane and connect with and share life stories) could be (sometimes you might not meet them again) to meet them again. Don't try to "date" them (friends or potential lovers) on the first meeting - the whole goal is to get the contact information to meet again, somewhere else, ideally doing something the other person likes. Just find out what the other person likes to do and invite them to go do it - 'I love art - and watching people enjoy art - I'd like to meet up and go with you to the X exhibit and the museum' - (the key word here is 'I'd like' phrasing - not 'Do you want to?' - express your preference, take the lead...)

I've met a fair number of the people who matter in my life through taking the initiative and talking to strangers. But, to be clear, it was not a first degree contact - it was meeting them through the person I initially met.

The problem with Google+ Circles, is that it does not allow overlap. In real life, the interesting connections occur when you overlap circles (e.g. throw a party and your improv friends meet your Salsa dancing friends). Throwing a party is one of the most effective ways to improve your social life. Indeed, taking the lead on anything is powerful. Going to an event solo may make you feel like a pariah but going with two other people - you're golden.

The ideal is the self-perpetuating party - e.g. you throw enough regular parties that you get invited to outings constantly. Doesn't have to be a Saturday night blow-out, something like a Tuesday night potluck for three or four friends, once or twice a month, will really grow your social circles.

And, most importantly, to end my soapbox (thanks for asking), just be yourself. If you are quiet and shy, don't try to be Tom Cruise 'Show me the money'. Be yourself. As much as I wanted to be the life of the party, I'm relatively happy knowing a lot of people from various worlds and circles. When I hang out with people, its usually not very regularly and usually with their good friends (and I'm the odd one out).

But the universe rewards bold action.

With the help of skype, you can see body language, tone (non-verbal communication) almost as well as real life now.

Location isn't a barrier anymore and that's what makes the internet so powerful.

>The system he’s using is already self-selecting for those who are open enough to be suitable for such things.

I couldn't have said it any better.

Most of the 50 people I've talked I've connected with for at least six months.

The way I make messages online pretty much ignores small talk. I try to steer the conversation to that depth as quickly as possible. If someone is willing to tell you about their deep experiences (and it makes logic sense) then they're most likely authentic.

When you join an organization based around something, you can be pretty sure that most of its members will share at least that common interest with you. But how do you find the organization in the first place?

If you're anything like me, you probably end up trying out a bunch of potential hobbies before you find one you stick with. When I was in grade school, I tried gymnastics, figure skating, soccer, basketball, violin, clarinet, viola, guitar, math team, Magic: the Gathering, Starcraft, a brief flirtation with policy debate, and probably several hobbies I can't remember now. The only ones I really stuck with and made friends through were violin, guitar, and M:tG. When I was in college, I tried orchestra, the Arts theme house, Taiko, whitewater kayaking, bridge, sailing, theater, improv comedy, Woodsy club, etc. The ones I stuck with were orchestra and sailing.

It's easier to do it this way if you're afraid of rejection, because you're rejecting an activity instead of rejecting (or being rejected by) a person. But it's no less time-consuming. You have to reject fewer entities, but it takes you longer to decide that you don't actually want to pursue that line, so it ends up being pretty much a wash.

It comes down to wanting social interactions without having to go through that small talk stuff that most people need to go through in real life.

I also do volunteer my time as well. Although I do understand concern for making the best use of one's time. I only messaged people whom I felt there was potential.

The same filtering applies though because you can attend things where there aren't many people you could relate to or you can only relate with that one particular interest and nothing else.