I know this is unfair and untrue, and I am ignorant in the history of programming languages, and ignorant in the history of bank infrastructure, but ...

My actual first thought was that this was a language designed by someone who didn't know that programming languages exist.

My second actual thought, after reading over my first actual thought, was that it could be a language designed by someone who decided to take that programming languages assignment from back in school and this time do it right.