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Comment by taylodl | Hacker News Reader

This. So much this. Young professionals need to learn the difference between friends and colleagues. When working from home it's hard to blur that line.

As far as chatter goes, nobody wants that. It's distracting to those around you. When we were at the office we were chatting over IM to cut down on the noise. Guess what? We're still chatting over IM while WFH.

Besides, many companies are adopting a hybrid plan anyway. My team, which includes many young professionals, wants to go to the office once per month. Make good use of that time to build your network.

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> As far as chatter goes, nobody wants that.

I interpreted "social chatter and engagement" not necessarily to mean people are yapping at their desk, but that people say hi in the break room, have lunch together, etc.

> Young professionals need to learn the difference between friends and colleagues.

I hear that a lot on HN, and I'm sorry if I have to roll my eyes a little. TONS of humanity make friends at the place where they spend nearly half their waking hours, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's fine that not everyone does, but this "rule" people like to spout about "your co-workers are not your friends" - well, maybe your coworkers are not your friends, but I've made plenty of deep, lasting friendships through work.

Not everyone you meet at work needs to be your "Best friend forever and always."

I just like talking to people. I like being able to go down the hall and solving a problem in 5 minutes that would take 3 days and 3 meetings WFH. I am "friendly" with many people in the office. I socialize with them.

They aren't dear dear friends but they are acquaintances that have helped me out of tight spots and I helped them. I can't tell you how many times I've been helped through these sort of relationships.

If you're introverted just say it. There's nothing wrong with it. But there's nothing wrong with socializing either.

I'm extroverted, actually. We have several slack channels for each of the departments and hierarchies of our org. People say good morning. You can "go down the hall" and ask a question. We still do pair programming. In short, not much has changed from when we were in the office.

Once allowed we'll be going out to lunch again. I always made it a point to go out to lunch with people - people I work with now, people I've worked with in the past, and people I've met through meetups. I like going out at a minimum every other week and prefer once a week.

Maybe it's company culture? We're in multiple states and have multiple locations within the same state - and I need to work with people from all these different locations and so we've solved this "working together remotely" problems ages ago. It's an important part of our corporate culture. WFH just solved the problem of working in a big, noisy area.

The point I'm making is that people are different.

Some people make friends at work, others don't. While you may struggle blurring friend from colleague in the office, others may struggle WFH with separating their house and leisure from work. Not everyone has a luxury office to walk into. Some work in their dining room.

There are pros and cons, and those pros and cons change depending on individual circumstances. But ultimately you are working for a company that needs to make money and they need to make a decision. You can choose to stay or leave.

They sound like colleagues. As distinct from other employees or friends.

Some of my best times were working in a university department. We did all this, though the talking to people outside your team was at proscribed coffee times in the staff lounge and sometimes over lunch.

But they remained colleagues not friends. Outside the few parties a year we didn't go round people's houses. We collaborated and fought over work, as that was what brought us together.

I make the distinction between colleagues and other employees as not all employees are colleagues. Colleagues help each other out of tight spots and talk beyond "Nice weather". Friends could be either, but in my experience once everyone is married and has kids, the closest will be "friendly" rather than "friends".

You can be friends with a colleague and also not hang out outside of work. And obviously in life you'll be closer with some co-workers than others, so it's useful to have the distinction of someone being a 'work friend'.

'Colleague' just refers to someone you work with who is of the same rank as you, and probably on the same team. It's closer to 'teammate' or 'peer' than it is to "workmate you have a friendly relationship with". You can dislike a colleague, and you can also barely talk to or really know a colleague.

>They sound like colleagues. As distinct from other employees or friends.

I think the point being made is that this is totally okay.

There's an undertone in this greater thread that "people you work with aren't really your friend" and it implies that these "not-really-friends" aren't pleasant to be around. But that's not necessarily the case. For many people, being around "colleagues" and making small chit-chat is enjoyable, desirable, and helpful, even if they aren't (and never become) your "friend".

Distinguishing between colleagues and friends in no way implies being being around colleagues is unpleasant. But merely pleasant interactions don't justify making everyone spend time commuting they could spend with friends instead.

>But merely pleasant interactions

I didn't say they are "merely pleasant". I said they are enjoyable, desirable, and helpful.

This is just pedantic. I'm sorry in your experience you didn't meet lifelong friends, but many do (I have.)

My point is, there isn't a right or wrong here. It's frustrating see the WFH warrior brigade come out and diminish other's experiences just because they had a bad experience. It's simply not universal.

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