Comment by a3n | Hacker News Reader

Comment by a3n | Hacker News Reader

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23 is much too early to declare yourself a failure in life. That's the depression talking. "That shit ain't the truth."

Just because you're not having the outcomes that you want does not mean you're a failure.

Depression and feelings of inadequacy and failure are a vicious circle, because ... depression makes it hard to succeed.

Depression also makes it hard to connect with people, and hard to stay connected.

Depression also makes it hard to take care of yourself.

Try to find a primary care physician, or a therapist, or a similar professional. If you don't like who you find, for whatever reason, find a different one.

Treat them like a project manager. Be sure to be actively involved in choosing your management tactics.

I've tried suicide twice. Once when I was five. Once when I was about your age. I'm 63 now, and I'm glad that I didn't succeed.

Only within the last ten years did I ask for professional help. It saved my life. Most of my life prior was like dental work without novacaine.

Two of the things that have helped me (YMMV) are a prescription, and a career change.

> 23 is much too early to declare yourself a failure in life. That's the depression talking. "That shit ain't the truth."

See I want to believe this, but I’ve seen people in these sort of situations at later stages of life. I used to work with a guy probably twice my age. He was a software developer, but his career was a crapshoot because of circumstances and I suppose not understanding his options. He was never married, didn’t really have any friends, and in the time I knew him the family he had nearby was dying off. It was pretty apparent he was a lonely person and he used to invite me to just hang out and I would often oblige because nearly anything beats sitting in front of a screen mindlessly scrolling.

But it was always apparent to me that of the young people in the sort of situations that OP, myself or many others in this thread find themselves, at least some of us will become that person. Sure some, probably many will end up lucking out or embracing a sort of life style to escape it, but not everyone can win, and I’m not putting any money on luck.

I personally don’t like to describe myself as a “loser” as it tends to invoke a sort of societal caricature of some guy in a dead-end or no job, without a ton of money or luxuries who maybe indulges in some hedonistic activities on the side. Actually I’d much rather be that person because the ones I’ve known have actually managed decent relationships and have had interesting stories to tell. I have working the whole day and then going home to the internet, or perhaps a bar or club where I’ll drink too much and only ever arrange in very superficial conversations.

Unless you're in prison for murder or mayhem, it's hard to say anyone is a "failure."

At most, you haven't found an arrangement that works for you.

The American Dream, for example, or parts thereof, is a perfectly good set of goals. Whatever your chosen career, is a perfectly good goal. But if you couldn't make that happen, there are lots of other ways to be satisfied, and to contribute.

I've been under employed, and went on Medicaid for actual survival (diabetes). I wasn't a failure, I was just in a very unpleasant situation.

The key to my change in happiness and outlook was to accept that who I thought I was, was no longer true, but something new and different was just fine.

Sometimes the tragedy is living in someone else's rut, even after that rut has run out.

> 23 is much too early to declare yourself a failure in life.

How about 39? Asking for a friend.

That's not even half of a life yet. And considering the first 18-25 years were basically groping in the dark, 39 is nearer the end of the beginning than the beginning of the end.

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