Wow, I wish I could just go on sick leave for 4 months because I was feeling depressed...
If I could choose between a four-month vacation and not being depressed, I would take not being depressed. I wouldn't even have to think about it.
It's like looking at someone who's sick with a debilitating illness and saying "Wow, I sure wish I could just lie around in bed all day." No, t0mbstone, you don't. All the things you're imagining you'd do with that time—you can't really do them when you're feeling sick all day long.
This isn't just feeling blue. It's darkness, 24/7.
I think there is a very fair point being made about the privilege of having the possibility of a four month vacation to deal with mental health issues. For many people, a four month break from one's responsibilities has a strong likihood of resulting in homelessness and/or permanent harm to employability.
But I was not the only one here who felt that the tone of the comment came a little too close to the "wow, I sure wish I could have a nice vacation if I was feeling sad" business that most of us are very used to hearing from people who have no experience with depression, and think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside.
I do pay for both short and long term disability, but as far as I know, Long-term disability (LTD) insurers are generally reluctant to approve claims for benefits based on mental illnesses such as depression or bipolar disorder.
Additionally, I would have to deal with the newly acquired stigma of being "that depressed guy with mental issues".
Taking it even further, if someone admits that they have suicidal thoughts, this can easily result in having ALL of their rights completely stripped away. You can be forcibly hospitalized and medicated against your will, entirely on the word of someone else. You will also no longer ever be able to pass background checks, own a weapon, or be hired for many types of jobs.
I know all of this for a fact because it happened to my ex-wife, who developed schizophrenia in her early 20's (after we were already married) and became bi-polar and suicidal. After years of going in and out of the system and being put on countless medications, she ended up killing herself.
The USA really really really hates people who are mentally ill.
Making assumptions as to intent or meaning because of percieved tone isn't very charitable. You are correct in that you are far from the only one to do so. I do it sometimes too, but that doesn't make it productive.
I am not saying you shouldn't acknowledge how the tone came accross and explain how frequently that sentiment is faced. I am saying you should do that while assuming the best possible intrepretion of the comment you are responding to.
> ...think that those who do are just babies who need to stop being sad and go outside
While I don't hear that sentiment from other people very often, my own brain frequently says it to me; It isn't very helpful.
Well there is, the wording itself: ".. I was depressed".
I was.
Well... If you're indeed depressed, I wish for that too.
However, if you're actually healthy and just making a snarky comment, then I hope you never experience depression- it's hell. No amount of descriptive imagery or keen adjectives can ever convey what it actually feels like, so I understand how people who've never been in its jaws can be so dismissive. After all, just like it's hard to tell that stuffed inside a ballerina's blood-filled shoes are cramped, broken, _aching_ feet, it's hard to wrap your head around pain that isn't readily seen, much less try to empathize with the person feeling it.
The only way I can think of to describe depression is to describe suicidal ideation: when you have a moment, go to your garage, get a hammer, and smash your thumb with it. Not a pleasant thought, right? I'd be willing to bet that if you were to legitimately try, you'd find it almost impossible; the instinct for self preservation is one of the most basic, powerful instincts. Now, imagine a situation where you're in so much pain that this instinct is completely overwhelmed and you actively try to kill yourself to stop it, a situation where you cannot believe you'll ever be able to be happy again, a situation that feels truly hopeless.
That's depression. While suicidal ideation is one of the extremes, depression is something that drives a person to that point.
In all honesty, I sincerely hope neither you nor your loved ones ever have to face such despair. "That they experienced loss is not a gain, and that they experienced pain is not a victory."
But hey, I'm just some guy on the internet- YMMV.
I haven't had a real vacation (more than a week or so of time off) in years.
I have less than 2 weeks worth of PTO sick time accrued. I genuinely wish I had the option of taking 4 months of paid sick leave for mental health reasons. I'm pretty sure that would help me reset my mental state.
Sick leave is appropriate if a person is sick. Depression can take over your life and make you unable to work. If sick leave does not exist for a depressed person they either become dependent on family or just get fired, risking homelessness, credit problems, increased chances of suicide etc.
In some countries and jobs ... well, that's what happens. But some places treat sick leave differently and if a doctor says you are sick you can get a lot of paid leave in order to recover.
Have you ever had a day at work or during your schooling where, due to burnout, depression, anxiety, lack of direction, laziness, whatever... you just got nothing done? Maybe you wasted all your time reading/writing emails; browsing the web; etc?
I have had some days like that. And if I worked in a factory or a fast food restaurant, I would look at that experience and say, "gee, sure would be nice to be able to sit around doing nothing all day". But those days weren't like a vacation, they sucked. I didn't get any enjoyment or relaxation out of it. I felt crappy all day and even worse at the end of the day for having accomplished nothing. Even days where there's a production emergency and I have to fix bugs under pressure from clients feel better than that.
I've never taken 4 months off from work for mental health but I imagine it feels about like that...
During that entire time, there were only a couple of periods where I had more than a month off of work. Each of those times were when I was in between jobs and was trying to find new work, so I don't really count those periods as vacations.
I'm just so tired of the grind. I just want a long break to do nothing. I want to do nothing until I'm literally sick of doing nothing. I imagine that when/if that happened, I would be able to find my passion again. I'm not sure if it would look anything like the type of work I've been doing for years, but I agree with you. I realize that long term happiness is usually tied to creativity.
I consider myself to be a high-functioning, depressed alcoholic. Most people who know me have no clue I'm depressed.
Keep in mind, I'm not suicidal. I just often find myself feeling sad and like life is ultimately pointless, and I try to find ways to self-medicate so I don't notice the sadness as much. I also feel severely burnt out, even though I enjoy my job which pays well (which is a very strange paradox that I can't explain even to myself).
“Depression affects all personalities and can look very different in various people,” says Jodi Aman, psychotherapist and author of “You 1, Anxiety 0: Win Your Life Back from Fear and Panic.”
“A highly functioning person can be suffering invisibly too,” she says.
https://www.healthline.com/health/depression/this-is-what-hi...