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Comment by AlwaysRock | Hacker News Reader

I've got a buddy in a similar situation. We all came from somewhat similar backgrounds and all majored in the same, useless, thing. We lived together and while we all played a lot of video games one of the three never really moved on from that. He's still working at a low wage job behind a counter and playing video games a lot.

I think it's less that he doesnt know different but more that he never got a break in the right direction. I stumbled into a career. Our other buddy stumbled into a career. He didn't. I'm not saying he never will but I can look back and point to a few key moments that led me to where I am today. Without those I'd probably be living in my parents house playing video games too.

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It’s also a form of perfectionism. I deal with exactly what you are describing with a family member of mine. A part of his problem is that, I shit you not, I sincerely believe he thinks he is too good for a labor/service job, or community college, or coursera, or the gym, dating someone not perfect, etc. It didn’t go his way for so long, but the ego is still there. And what is the ego exactly if not an intense defense mechanism. They have lost all ability to slowly chip away at a problem.

No, you probably won’t get an office job in the next 5 years. Maybe in the next 10. No, you won’t have enough money to move out the next 5 years, but maybe in 10. Nope, you aren’t get laid anytime soon. Few people can accept the timeline and the sheer effort it will take, and the sheer time. That’s the crux of the problem, that they are truly behind and cannot deal with the time investment required.

Enough with the lies, and start from zero. The effort it takes to be just mediocre in this world is understated.

The issue with these timelines is: "is it worth the effort?"

The more effort you have to put in the more desirable it has to be. Perhaps the 5+ year timeline means that what they want falls into the "it's not worth the effort" category.

I'd like to know Mandarin, but I don't think it would be worth the effort to learn the language. Maybe if I already knew the symbols I would feel otherwise.

If it’s not worth the effort, then you must shed the entitlement factor. If it’s not worth the effort, how can you still feel you deserve those things? We’re all human, and we all know having a career, an education, a life partner, and a family are worth it. So, who are we kidding?

If being single and spending those years doing things you love makes you happier then why shouldn't you do it? Has nothing to do with entitlement.

For sure. I have met a few people who have these weird expectations around who they are and what they expect from life. As far as I'm concerned I'm playing with house money. I got lucky.

Risk aversion and a lack of opportunity (luck) seem to have a large impact on this phenomenon, if you will.I know everyone is quick to jump on "helicopter parenting"from the 90's (?) on, but I think (from the limited speakers I've seen on the topic - which are few) really have made a generation of risk averse peoples. Add to that an economic downturn, where a lack of opportunity makes for less situations where luck might happen where you can take those risks... and here you are. Young men in basements getting a dopamine fix in a plasticine bubble with a virtual body.

I stumbled into a career. Our other buddy stumbled into a career.

Talking to various people this seems to be very common. I know it was the case for me.

Careers, relationships, etc. No one wants to admit how much of their life was a random thing they just kept doing.

I wonder what kind of situation your friend had going on in their house or their lives. Maybe y'all aren't as similar as you think?

Sure. Maybe. His parents were both doctors and he had four siblings and an adopted sibling that all see to have done fine. But There certainly could be something I'm missing.

That parents did not had time and energy to notice and fix the problem. With 6 kids, it is quite difficult even in best conditions.

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