Tom Brady secretly discovered this years ago. Deflategate was a distraction from the real scandal: Inflategate.
Now you can pant both ways when you run
But the no-pant strategy would be more effective.
„It was found that John Doe took liquid-oxygen enema before run, unfairly improving his performance.”
Given that liquid oxygen boils at about -300 F, if John Doe can finish a race after a liquid oxygen enema he deserves first prize for something!
Perhaps a Nobel prize?
With an exploratory spirit and a bit of ambition, all records are beatable if you have LOx and a matchbox
I'm stuck between "RocketMan" and a drunken Joe Mulroy lighting a fart in his dormitory room to escape a dead poker hand. Of course, everyone scattered, to avoid the persistent flame hanging onto Mulroy's shorts, if not the fart itself.