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I wonder if this is tangentially related, and worry that it might be an unpopular view, but in relationships, with a family member or spouse/partner, falling out of love can be a self-reinforcing feedback loop of separation. Sometimes the solution is to stop worrying about not having the feelings and affections and act as if you feel affection; the affection will grow out of the discipline.

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Or, alternatively, will pretending to have affection simply cement the feeling that affection is unrewarding? Perhaps there is a case to be made to lean into not having affection, to fall out of love and to have a break, and to let it arise again naturally instead of summoning it via artifice.

I prefaced the opinion as likely being unpopular. It is something that I contemplate as a husband when affection is low and wits are at an end (with a toddler demanding much energy and attention from my wife and I). It has helped immensely in my attitude that disciplining myself to just love her has stirred up feelings of love inside. It is the virtuous opposite of the self-reinforcing cycle of despair and resentment.

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