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Comment by treis | Hacker News Reader

That seems to be an orthogonal issue. Namely, the expectation that whatever wrong you have suffered should be righted. The message is to shut up because nobody is going to help you. Certainly effective to getting the victim to stop complaining. But that's not the same as actually coping with the issue, or better yet, solving it.

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Well, maybe it seems like it's just trying to get you to shut up, but part of that message is that you're the one who's in control of your reaction, and that's what you can reliably control in that kind of situation. That even if your feelings are hurt, fundamentally you can still be OK, if you can learn to let it slide off you rather than getting all tied up about it. That's a pretty helpful, if difficult, lesson to learn.

Except that, kids who let slide first attempts at bullying get bullied again and again and again. And it escalates. It also creates a cycle in which a kid that was bullied once is more likely to be bullied again.

The kids who are able to set boundaries, say no, respond etc are more likely to stop whole dynamic even before it starts.

Or you can teach them to fight to be treated fairly and to fight for others to be treated fairly. That's what I see out of the generation in their 20s. They don't seem to see themselves as victims. They have a keen sense of justice and are willing to speak out.

Being OK isn't mutually exclusive with defending yourself. But if you're really OK, you might not feel the need to engage, because it might not really matter. The point is not to let your emotions control your response. If you calmly decide that you need to push for something, then that's the response you go with.

You're confusing the problem here.

Sometimes coping with issues is just learning to ignore them, you must learn that even though you feel hurt there it is not worth putting energy into dealing with what people say and do.

People forget that 50% of the people on the planet are below average, its best to remember that when you're dealing with life. You can't expect these people to have reasoning and logic skills, emotional resilience or even base levels of compassion.

"Toughen up princess" can frequently be the best advice you can give someone.

This is the issue. It is not to stop complaining. "Toughen up" means do something about, it means complaining solves nothing.

Which is why our problems now are so much bigger, since our complaining became so much louder.

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