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Comment by PragmaticPulp | Hacker News Reader

> I'm not with these people because I want to be friends with them, I'm with them because I want to earn a living.

False dichotomy. Building relationships and earning a living aren't mutually exclusive.

Building healthy, lasting relationships with your peers isn't necessarily required to get a job done, but it certainly makes it more enjoyable. Of course not everyone is going to be interested in authentic relationships at work, but that doesn't mean that nobody wants to be friends at the office.

If you can only view your work peers as pure business interactions, you're missing out.

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Do you find you're still friends with a lot of people you worked with at your previous positions?

As a middle aged dude who's been in tech for 25 years, I can say that literally all of my close friends at this point in life were previous coworkers.

Especially if you relocate away from your hometown for a job, I'm not sure why that would be surprising to anyone. You spend at least 8 hours a day with these people, it only makes sense you'd eventually build some connections with them. And as the parent post points out, it certainly makes the days more enjoyable when you've built healthy relationships with your peers.

And come to think of it, most people 30+ I know seem to have friend groups of almost exclusively current or former coworkers. I don't think I'm by any means unique.

It's funny, I thought this was going the exact opposite direction when I read "As a middle aged dude who's been in tech for 25 years". As another middle aged dude who's been in tech for 25 years, that describes none of the people I know in my age group. Sure, some of us have actual friends that were coworkers, but it's one or two people and somewhat tangential friendship.

If it were just you & I comparing our individual anecdata I'd have chalked it up to that, but this feels like perhaps there's something more going on. I suppose one explanation is that people who form close bonds with coworkers are going to be more likely to hanging out with others who form close bonds with coworkers and vice versa?

> I suppose one explanation is that people who form close bonds with coworkers are going to be more likely to hanging out with others who form close bonds with coworkers and vice versa?

I mean, they are most likely to be hanging out with friends they made at work, who at that moment would also be hanging out with friends they made at work.

Yes. I’ve found a lot of friends through previous work relationships.

Honestly, the idea of being at a company and not walking away with at least a few long-term friends is very foreign to me.

A purely transactional workplace would be a miserable place to work. It’s much better to work somewhere where people can respect and appreciate each other beyond what’s necessary to close out their next Jira ticket.

I guess that's the problem, the only places I've worked have been focused on billing time or closing tickets with everyone heads down on that.

> Do you find you're still friends with a lot of people you worked with at your previous positions?

I'm still friends with the previous coworkers that I formed the strongest friendships with.

Just like pretty much every social situation, not every relationship can be a strong one. There will be a lot of weak ones that fall away when circumstances change (e.g. leaving school, moving to a new town, getting a new hobby and having less interest in old ones, etc). However, those weak ties can still be valuable and enjoyable during their lifetimes.

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