This atomized "biorobot" view of the employee is quite new and doesn't seem very healthy.
It's harder if you're changing companies every 2-3 years and cities every 5-6 (as seems common enough in Tech at least).
Digital nomads are the vanguard—look to them to see what works and what doesn't.
You get very little choice who you go to school with, and yet many people make lifelong friends at school. Even as I traverse middle age I'm still good friends with half a dozen people I went to school with, and on friendly speaking terms with at least a couple of dozen more.
Work does seem different though: relationships often don't hold in the same way.
I stay in touch with relatively few people out of the hundreds or (low) thousands I've worked with over the years. The vast majority of them are from one company where I worked for nearly 10 years, and most of them joined in the first 3 or 4 years of that 10 or were already there when I started.
I suspect a lot of it boils down to the amount of "quality" time you spent together - directly interacting and sharing experiences - versus those you swap in and out with.
False dichotomy. Building relationships and earning a living aren't mutually exclusive.
Building healthy, lasting relationships with your peers isn't necessarily required to get a job done, but it certainly makes it more enjoyable. Of course not everyone is going to be interested in authentic relationships at work, but that doesn't mean that nobody wants to be friends at the office.
If you can only view your work peers as pure business interactions, you're missing out.
Especially if you relocate away from your hometown for a job, I'm not sure why that would be surprising to anyone. You spend at least 8 hours a day with these people, it only makes sense you'd eventually build some connections with them. And as the parent post points out, it certainly makes the days more enjoyable when you've built healthy relationships with your peers.
And come to think of it, most people 30+ I know seem to have friend groups of almost exclusively current or former coworkers. I don't think I'm by any means unique.
If it were just you & I comparing our individual anecdata I'd have chalked it up to that, but this feels like perhaps there's something more going on. I suppose one explanation is that people who form close bonds with coworkers are going to be more likely to hanging out with others who form close bonds with coworkers and vice versa?
I mean, they are most likely to be hanging out with friends they made at work, who at that moment would also be hanging out with friends they made at work.
I'm still friends with the previous coworkers that I formed the strongest friendships with.
Just like pretty much every social situation, not every relationship can be a strong one. There will be a lot of weak ones that fall away when circumstances change (e.g. leaving school, moving to a new town, getting a new hobby and having less interest in old ones, etc). However, those weak ties can still be valuable and enjoyable during their lifetimes.
Honestly, the idea of being at a company and not walking away with at least a few long-term friends is very foreign to me.
A purely transactional workplace would be a miserable place to work. It’s much better to work somewhere where people can respect and appreciate each other beyond what’s necessary to close out their next Jira ticket.
I really enjoy the company of my work colleagues.
Especially in a business setting, where it's not all 'heads down work', I think it's kind of important actually.
Professionalism is resonant, being around other people lifts you up, you learn from them, are energized, hopefully in mostly positive ways.
For Engineering work ... I'm worried that young folks won't have the opportunity for good mentors.
- W. Richard Stevens
- Andrew S. Tanenbaum
- Brian Kernighan and Dennis Ritchie
- ...
Yes, I'm talking about books :)
Not trying to knock reading of course, but it's no replacement for a good mentor.
For example, I volunteer as a mentor for Code Louisville, and we actively encourage students to stay in touch even after the program when it comes to job hunting, programming questions, etc. I've also managed to find experienced devs for myself through local dev meetups, but have also had luck just messaging people on Linkedin. Sure, not all devs are going to be willing, but a lot of people respond well to basic curiosity and humility.
Maybe you don't miss them because you never talked to them.
Not always, and not for everyone.
> I'm not with these people because I want to be friends with them, I'm with them because I want to earn a living. If I find a friend along the way that's great, but I don't talk with 99.9% of the people I've ever worked with and don't much miss them.
That attitude will directly lead to superficial relationships.
Many people would like some non-superficial social connection to at least some of the people who they spend a large fraction of their days with, and seeking and maintaining some relationships like that is probably healthier, too.
I don't know where your comment came from, because in no way did I suggest that anyone should try to be friends with everyone they meet.