> heavily colored by ideology
Exactly in display in your own response.
> Modi showcase the problems of large democracies
It showcase the result of disrespect of plurality in society and promoting hatred and Nazi style Hindu supremacy forgetting the complex geopolitical and cultural diversity of India.
> Given that India was run by 1 family for 60 years,
You mean to say India was an authoritarian state ruled by one family for last 60 years and only after 2014 it became free (HDI, poverty alleviation, education, from free to partly free tell a different story). Anyways these statement reflects the ardent follower logic of Hindu nationalist (in India it will be called M--- bhakt logic).
> Each of these govts inserted themselves strongly into personal life
Lived long enough in all these countries to know first hand that the development happened not because of the government but by work done by its citizens. Indeed USA itself is reaping the benefits of the hard work done by its own citizens with emphasis on science and engineering, not superstition and same apply to all these countries.
Japan, South Korea, Taiwan, Singapore and China in spite of very different political system were able to achieve similar trajectory of growth founded in hard work with emphasis on science and engineering instead of superstition. So they are a reference point.
China took 1.4 billion people out of poverty and made them moderately wealthy society with almost 99% literacy rates and 100% in all tier 1,2 and 3 cities. Its not because of the government, but because of its people and their emphasis on education.
During Mao Tse-tung (毛泽东), China was an authoritarian state and government was in every walk of life and during that time it was behind India, when it came to all the parameters of HDI (human development index). Food was rationed and there is lost generation during that time which did not go to university at all. All the progress happened when authoritarianism started to fade away from society giving space to it's citizens to learn, work and earn a decent living without state.
May be brush up some history on these countries, you will realize that their growth story is rooted in their citizens quest for better life through education, hard work with emphasis on science and engineering instead of superstition, race or religion supremacy theory.