nearly every one of your concerns is addressed by this wonderful youtube channel - "Not Just Bikes": https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC0intLFzLaudFG-xAvUEO-A
Author from Canada, and he has seen all the problems described in the thread. He is not bike promoter, just a person who wants comfortable and safe commute. So he moved to Netherlands where even commute by car is better because of the way city is organized. He describes in details how and why, and it is amazing.
Now I want to visit Netherlands.