Comment by bena | Hacker News Reader

Comment by bena | Hacker News Reader

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You ever have to watch someone struggle with something you know how to do extremely well?

Like watching someone take 5 seconds per keystroke because they have to hunt and peck on the keyboard while slowly and deliberately sounding out the letters they're typing?

You know that feeling of wanting to just push them out of the way because you could get whatever completely done by the time they finish the next step in the process?

You ever felt like grabbing someone's face and just point blank ask them why they don't "get it"? Because it's the simplest thing in the world to you?

Now imagine your entire life was that. Of essentially having to wait for people to catch up to where you were. Couple that with the nagging thought in the back of your mind that you could be the one that's wrong because so many people are on the other side of the issue. What do they see that you don't? And then when they finally do catch up, treat it like it was the most obvious thing ever.

I can see how that would wear on people. How that would make them depressed, how they would be difficult to relate to, how it would be difficult to communicate with them.

Sometimes I feel saying that intelligent people have difficulties relating to people or communicating with others is akin to saying it's difficult to run as fast as Usain Bolt. It's like "No shit, but it's not a problem on Bolt's end".

> Now imagine your entire life was that.

No, because you should shape your life differently in that case. The people I know who were both intelligent and depressed dramatically improved their life by doing less thinking.

Exercise, play a musical instrument, explore nature, help people in need, go after that girl/guy you like.

But no. Instead, those aforementioned people spent the majority of their time doing stuff that require intelligence: solving hard problems, debating others "for fun", philosophising. And then, at the end of the day, they felt sorry for themselves because they were oh so intelligent.

Luckily they fixed their issues, and I'm convinced that most people who fall in this category can do the same.

What makes you assume that they don't exercise, play an instrument, etc?

And why is it on the intelligent to "do less thinking" instead of the world to understand that they can't think on the same level?

We don't ask those with extreme physical gifts to sell themselves short in order to accommodate those less gifted. We don't ask those with virtuoso talents to "do less creativity".

Why must those with extreme intellectual gifts "think less"?

That does them and the world a disservice. Why can't we accept them as we accept every other category of people.

> What makes you assume that they don't exercise, play an instrument, etc?

I clearly speak of people I know: "The people I know", "Those aforementioned people". Also, they often did do one, maybe two of these things, but their life wasn't balanced at all.

> why is it on the intelligent to "do less thinking"

The other alternative you offer is hoping that the world will change, which it obviously wont.

> Why must those with extreme intellectual gifts "think less"

Nobody should think too much.

> Why can't we accept them as we accept every other category of people.

Intelligent people are accepted. Understood? Not so much, but they are accepted.

When you're depressed due to your intelligence, you should fix your issues. Learn how to cope with things, talk to a therapist, spend more time doing and less time thinking, talk to people, stop feeling sorry for yourself, take responsibility for your life.

> Intelligent people are accepted. Understood? Not so much, but they are accepted.

Accepted because you conform to a certain societal expectation is not really acceptance. And if they were truly understood

> I clearly speak of people I know: "The people I know", "Those aforementioned people". Also, they often did do one, maybe two of these things, but their life wasn't balanced at all.

So not just anecdotal data, but highly subjective anecdotal data. That's not convincing at all.

> Nobody should think too much.

Nobody should run too fast, lift too much, be too tall, be too short, be too good at anything. Don't ever risk making the average even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

> Accepted because you conform to a certain societal expectation is not really acceptance.

Social acceptance heavily depends on conformity. Groups don't welcome you if you do not conform to group identity. This is why not every group works for every individual. Sure, sometimes groups should overcome prejudice or stigma, but when you're "difficult to relate to", or "difficult to communicate with" (your examples), then most groups won't be welcoming and I find that quite understandable. Luckily however, some groups (Mensa perhaps) will welcome you. That's usually also why such groups are founded in the first place.

> So not just anecdotal data

This was the entire structure of my first comment, and I never hid that one bit.

> but highly subjective anecdotal data

Those people were way happier after they lived more balanced lives, but happiness is an emotion and thus subjective, that's definitely true.

> Nobody should run too fast, lift too much, be too tall, be too short, be too good at anything. Don't ever risk making the average even the slightest bit uncomfortable.

This is just twisting my argument into an apagoge.

I mainly wrote my comments to offer a different view to the depressed intelligent people, as it often feels like there are quite a few here on HN. I've met very smart and depressed people, and they often felt very sorry for themselves and blamed the world. I tried to convince them that a different approach would help more, and they live way happier lives now. I know that's anecdotal, I know that's subjective. I never hid that, but just tried to offer my take on the issue.

It's about balance.

Yes, and they wind up working alone because they don't have the patience to explain to people who take too long to understand what they are trying to do. That behavior gets interpreted as self-centeredness and lack of team spirit, leading to loneliness and a more or less self-imposed banishment.

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