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Don't be so paranoid. Just build your own CPU from discrete NAND gates like everyone else.

A pen and paper is everything you need.

But what if it’s some of that fancy paper or a pen that records everything you write! Might need to manufacture your own pen and paper now...

Hold up there you don't know if someone's been tampering with the trees, you'll have to grow your own forest first

The “trusting trust” flaw still applies, better sequence your own species of tree.

And trust the same chemical processes that eventually resulted in the mess we’re in? Start a new universe.