Time and Experience should not go hand and hand, so dont let that stress you out. I have worked with some devs in their 40+ that are horrible.

It seems like you know what you want, you are just afraid to try and lack the motivation.

My advice, step away from the computer for a couple hours a day. Take a walk or do some exercise, you would be amazed at how much that changes your mindset for the better.

Unfortunately there is no magic words of advice or book you can read to solve your problems. Sometimes you just need to man up, put the cards on the table and do what needs to get done.

Best of luck, hang in there.