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Comment by sangnoir | Hacker News Reader

> You can't both have a wonderful career, a great marriage, and give your kids all they need from their parents. What we really need is for people to stop believing that "having it all" is possible, and therefore expecting that someone owes it to them.

I think the brutal/ultra-competitive work culture is uniquely American - Europe seems to do OK with giving working parents generous amounts of time (and money!) to be with their kids; 4 weeks PTO per year is unthinkable in the US, but I'm sure its a multiplier for good parenting.

I do not know if it is possible to change the work-culture when money is king.

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>I think the brutal/ultra-competitive work culture is uniquely American

American work culture is only moderately competitive. Many Asian work cultures are much more competitive than the US, where women taking a break to have children will basically end their career (and indeed this is how many women plan their careers), and paternity leave greater than 2-3 days have only started to show up in the past few years. Most of the drive towards more parent-friendly policies actually come from the government, as they try to stem the tide of low birthrates emptying out the countryside.

The upside for many asian countries also commonly have multi-generational households/having more than just a core-family living in one home, so grandparents/cousins/siblings can hold the fort.

Four weeks vacation, and 6 months (?) parental leave. Four years is a big reach, even for Europe.

But yes, Europe does much better at this than the US. Can the US culture change enough to give what Europe gives? Maybe, but I'm doubtful.

But until it does, my point remains - in the world we actually live in, you can't have it all. You have to choose between various less-than-what-you-want options.

One year parental leave in the countries I am familiar with.

Chile has 6 paid months of leave for the mother (it's a law, not subject to the employer).

Not to mention 35-40 hour work weeks.

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