The only weird one to me is the western way "do not hit your kids."
Downvotes welcome.
Downvotes welcome.
I got hit as a kid. It wasnt a big deal. But we dont as a rule, discipline our own son in the same way.
It is not the hit, it is the words. Parents manipulate their children using words, and that's worse in my eyes.
The bruises healed much more quickly than the emotional scaring.
1) Write every horrible event down in excruciating detail. For me that gave my mind the permission to forget/heal/move-in.
2) Explore the possibility that the abuser was abused themselves and that while that is not an excuse, it does make it more comprehensible. If you do find the a chain of abuse, then recognize that you have the wonderful opertunity to break the chain. It won't be easy.
3) Recognize the problem of over compensating - I was abused, but I over-compensated by smothering my children with love. I needed to give them a bit of space.
4) Talk about it to people that love you. A hug is nice. For me, I internalized the abuse and thought that I was unlovable. I am weird, but people do love me - that's a surprise.
Good luck with your healing!
Yeah, I talk to my wife, that's all. She's too nice, her family comes from a good background, I don't want to burden her by telling my family's story.