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I asked some non-programmers about this recently and they all said that "software engineer" sounds professional and they know what it means. "Computer programmer" sounds very old fashioned to them.

If anyone thinks that I work in "IT" after I tell them I'm a software engineer, I stop talking to them.

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I tend to view "software engineer" as having a more enterprisey connotation. Sort of hints at architecture and workflow-- Agile, UML, capabilities models, JavaBeans, design patterns, etc. So I'd apply it to some programmers/developers/engineers, but not as a general term for all. Admittedly, that might just be because when I think "software engineer", I immediately think of the research area of Software Engineering, which emphasizes those subjects, so non-programmers might not hear the same connotations.

If the term has any connotation, I think it's more an emphasis on best practices, especially things that help programmers work together: version control, continuous integration, bug tracking, API documentation, etc.

When somebody asks me to help them with their computer ("you're good with computers, right?"), I like to say that this is like asking an architect to fix your leaking roof.

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