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Shouldn't it be "had he looked."? Also the second rendition makes doesn't include what the rest of the joggers are doing, yet the first one does. Not sure if intentional.

At first I gasped at your practice, because I never do that, but I see the point now. Mastery of language.

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Yes, I had a typo. I was editing in place, and then decided that I had made some poor choices and needed to start over. I didn't bother to fix the typo.

Yes, there is a shift in point of view between the two versions. But the story is mostly written in third-person limited, and so my first version deviated from that.

But I rewrite everything every time I read it, so who knows what will happen tomorrow.

> Also the second rendition makes doesn't include what the rest of the joggers are doing ...

Something is amiss here.

Karma/backlash for my rude post. I will leave it unedited, but s/makes// in case it is not clear.

I didn't take it as rude. Should I have?

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