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Comment by mensetmanusman | Hacker News Reader

Anyone who is partner-parenting has probably had that moment when they tell each other: ‘how could anyone do this alone?’

Available person-hours per child in a loving environment is highly connected to positive academic and emotional outcomes for children (some married couples still suffer from one partner being absent, even in the same house though). It’s no surprise that American school children are some of the most medicated for behavior modification.

Children respond to divorce worse than they do to the death of a parent.

Everyone is punished when more people around them in society is suffering. (except the extremely wealthy, who can afford gated communities with armed guards and who don’t have to ever interact with those below them on the income scale).

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> Children respond to divorce worse than they do to the death of a parent.

How do they respond to bickering parents who hate each other but don't get divorced "for the children"

I have a friend who's wife seems to hate him. They've stayed together for 15+ years "for the children". My friend was lamenting that he had to try to teach his young adult kids (19-24) not to treat other people the same way mommy treats dad.

Record the exchanges and play them later to reveal the ‘posture’ of the dialogue.

Would a single parent with one child be so entirely different than a couple with two children, or three or four or five?

Coming from someone who would like to be a single parent some day...

If you were a parent you wouldn’t ask this.

I find it interesting talking to adults who have never married and never had children because their concepts of time and finance are so utterly different. For example I ask them why they aren’t multimillionaires driving something like a Ferrari and they look at me like I’m crazy. If I had the time availability and financial freedom of a single person earning at the same rate I would easily be a multimillionaire, numerically speaking, off salary and savings alone due to lower expenses and greater saving/investment principal over time. Single people somehow always find that confusing.

I also find it interesting how older (30+) educated adults are somehow surprised by the time and money commitment involved with children. How could that possibly be a surprise... yet it generally is a complete devastating shock. Baffles the mind.

For the first year they are so helpless they literally can't fall asleep without you (unless you let them cry for hours). You basically have to keep an eye on them every waking moment if they're not in some kind of enclosure. Even simple things like taking a shower, let alone going to the store are logistical problems. I have no idea how single parents do it

True. If you got two kids (I do) one can just look for both while the other one can have their shower/toilet/sleep whatever. Actually we are often taking turns sleeping.

I have no idea how we survived as a species tbh

Even larger communities. I don't think nuclear family is actual the natural state for our species. But recent invention.

Things start to scale much better once you get to bigger family units, with 3 or even 4 generations present. Grandparents, uncles, sisters and brothers of different ages. Looking after the kids. Or in tribal society whole tribe up to 100 people.

The first 1 or 2 years are extremely important in how the little human will later view the world: as a place where they will be cared for or a place where they can scream and scream but will be not be helped. (Taking the two extremes of the spectrum.)

There's a saying often attributed to both Aristotle and Ignatius Loyola (founder of the Jesuit order): Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.

* https://www.healthline.com/health/parenting/first-seven-year...

Couples (generally) space children out a bit, so the second one often comes when the first is roughly two: so one parent can look after each. If a third comes along, the first would be 3-4 years old, and already somewhat maturer and hopefully able to handle some detachment from the parent(s).

AFAICT, the 'best practice' is for there to be a "secure attachment" that your child has to you as parent(s):

* https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/why_attachment...

One parent can watch multiple kids and give the other a break.

Why would you want to be a single parent?

Throwaway account—I'm not GP and can't speak for them—but I'm in the same situation because I'm asexual/aromantic. I have no interest in getting married.

I would like to raise a child, but I also want what will be best for them, not me.

If you pay somebody to clean you’ll be a mile ahead.

1 parent > 0 parent

Adopt if you want to help someone in need.

Surrogacy is an ethical landmine that most people don’t think deeply about in terms of consequences.

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