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> Yes, this sounds obvious

Agreed, I think a hallmark of toxic situations is that from the outside it's obvious how bad they are and from the inside it's hard to see.

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I have had two severely toxic bosses in my lifetime, and it is difficult to do anything because I kept second-guessing myself that it was my fault. It took away my self-confidence for years, and led to unsuccessful interviews, which compounds into more self-doubt.

Curious, what were the behaviors?

Extreme control, including weekend work. Verbal insults, derogatory, lots of profanity. Verbal reminders of power: one would hover over me saying "Why are you even here?" while watching me work, then tell me to leave. I would then get called back the next day to work on something else. It was erratic. Classic case of power and control: you leave when I tell you, you come back when I tell you.

The latter is mostly true. I can look back at events that revealed just how toxic things were, but there always seemed to be something (maybe the interesting part of the job, maybe somebody in worse shape) that kept me from processing them. But once away...

As one former colleague said, "Nobody who left X ever wanted to go back."

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