Comment by M277 | Hacker News Reader

Comment by M277 | Hacker News Reader

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Yeah, this really resonates with me. I am starting to feel it's a burden, though, because I really feel that I have no life.

I can't do multiple things... either focus on studying and studying alone (and get above average grades).. but basically end up like I am now -- friendless, with boring hobbies and interests and very lonely. Or focus on things that fill my life, and catastrophically mess up my education. And for the discipline I want to work in, I really need good grades (but also good social skills).

I also want to add that despite studying nearly 24/7, and fully understanding every single concept (and much more!), I still manage to mess up in exams due to the lack of concentration (I.e. accidentally saw that plus as a minus, didn't see that term, etc. Dumb things like that). (I need time to hyperfocus, and the exam durations don't permit this)

I am still young, so this really worries me. I feel that I have basically wasted my teenage-hood, childhood, and now on the path of wasting my youth as well.

>I can't do multiple things.

I feel ya man. The more interesting thing always wins and the other thing gets forgotten about or "I'll come back to it". Trying to do more than one thing feels conflicting pretty quickly.

When I was younger in my mid 20s before I was diagnosed there was a period where it was amazing. People around me couldn't understand how I was able to get on the level I was able to get on. But if you zoom out and look at my life on the whole from 17 to 27 I had 5 different jobs and _in aggregate_ only managed to be gainfully employed for 1 year out of those 10. My early adult life was a wreck.

Now I'm in my early 30s Ive got a decent career because I hyperfocused on that and instead now my health is a wreck. After suffering a brush with burnout last year I'm now trying to focus on my health.

I think I cycle back and forth on it being a burden. Pre-diagnosis I just had no idea why I felt consumed by what I was into to the point where some days I felt like I had no agency because I was starting to get that burny-outy feeling and wish I could do something else with my time but was always find myself sucked into "just. one. more". Though there are times when you just are constantly in this deep flow state and nothing else matters. It's just impossible to balance. There is no balance.

Does the diagnosis (and the medication) at least help with balancing things a bit?

I still haven't actually got diagnosed. It's only recently that I started suspecting I may have some form of ADHD.

Some point after I got diagnosed and I was having a conversation with my wife and I just burst out crying as I explained to her how after spending north of 1000 nights doing the dishes at 2am sometimes 3am because I was determined not to let our marriage bust up over me not doing the dishes and thinking to myself night after night "I wish I knew what this was called so I could get her to understand" I was just so overwhelmed with relief to finally know why and to be able to communicate that and to know there really is a reason underpinning it etc.

It helped tremendously with that aspect. Balance so far I haven't been able to obtain still. I haven't had any luck with medication yet as apparently 20% of people don't respond to it and I might be one of those people. So far I've only tried a sustained release formulation of Methylphenidate and I don't notice any difference. For other people the difference is quite dramatic. I've been encouraged by r/ADHD to be persistent in trying to find if there is a combination of meds that works for me. Next I will try the instant release version.

It's helped my health a lot. I would always put off going to the doctor or dentist and thought if I ignore it it'll go away. Since learning that untreated ADHD has a life expectancy that's shorter by 13 years on average (due to increased risk of a accidents, obesity, drug addiction, suicide etc) I've really started to put an emphasis on fixing my litany of health problems and in the past 12 months have started to see progress.

Getting diagnosed was the biggest revelation of my life and a very positive thing for me. The down side is is you go through this honeymoon phase where you feel like "now that I know what this is I can finally solve all the problems" and eventually realising it's a neurological condition and not a curable disease.

But for sure if you have suspicions seek an evaluation. One thing that I found interesting is that it presents very differently in people, so how one person describes it might not be how you experience it. Generally speaking though if the patterns that emerge when you start looking through r/ADHD and How To ADHD YouTube channel and the book "Driven To Distraction" resonate with you then it's probably a pretty good indication.

Thank you so much, truly. This is all really helpful. r/ADHD and your comments do resonate a lot with me, but I haven't checked out "Driven to Distraction" nor How to ADHD. Will check them out and see how things go, then go seek diagnosis.

My 2 favorite videos on How To ADHD are:

Wall of Awful https://youtu.be/Uo08uS904Rg

The ADHD Tax https://youtu.be/pAG0jUYeAG0

Driven To Distraction is available on Audible and I think you get one free book if you create a new account. That's how I read it anyway.

This video is hands down the best explainer video Ive found out of all that I have watched

https://youtu.be/ouZrZa5pLXk

Also this video highlights some really interesting research which shows why we get distracted. Basically the Default Mode Network and Task Positive Network are supposed to anti- correlate and in ADHD brains they don't perfectly do that.

https://youtu.be/rp1IleFD4D0

Thanks a million! :)

I've found that for exams, mixing it up is the best way to stay attentive. Depending on the length (especially if it's a really long multiple choice–think SAT or something along those lines), I like to do a few problems then flip to the back of the book and work problems from there. When I feel my focus lapsing, I go back to the beginning and pick up where I left off.

I've found that this strategy works elsewhere as well. Simply mixing up my environment (working in a coffee shop vs a library vs my room vs etc) tends to make me focus better as I adapt really well to new situations but grow complacent in routines.

As for the social side, I've found that forcibly inserting myself into situations I might find uncomfortable is the way to go. I tended to group up with people who are trying a similar thing and we ended up forming a close bond, because I (and others like me) prefer fewer, closer relationships.

For example, I joined a Discord server someone made for my dorm. On the first day, someone offered to play cards with people and I went even though I would maybe normally stay in. About half the people there are in my friend group now.

Hopefully this rambling helps you :)

It was helpful, thank you :)

I never really tried mixing things up before. In hindsight, I really should have because routine does bore me a lot.

Getting out of my comfort zone is what I have been doing this semester, and it's going well, I'd say.. haven't really made any friends (like you, I prefer fewer, closer and deeper friendships), but I have been having fun and gained some valuable experiences, so I guess it balances out.

I also had phases in university where I was focused on learning and lonely, and also phases where I was partying too much and not doing as well as I could have on the tests. But after a while, my life naturally balanced out. Maybe it was the long bicycle rides where I can peacefully wonder about what I want to focus on today, but I'm not sure.

In any case, by now I've seen firsthand how little practical relevance most school and university lectures had. So I guess the first step for you should be to stop worrying too much about doing well on any given test. Chances are, being more relaxed will also help you avoid these little concentration mistakes.

>Maybe it was the long bicycle rides where I can peacefully wonder about what I want to focus on today, but I'm not sure.

Yeah, I have recently picked up the habit of walking daily for 30 - 60 minutes, but at the end of the day. It's quite refreshing and helpful, not to mention the physical exercise aspect. It feels good to think on the day's decisions / what happened, and think if what I am doing is what I really want or not.

>[...] by now I've seen firsthand how little practical relevance most school and university lectures had.

Yeah, I have heard this a lot. My problem lies in GPAs being used as filters, both for job applications and scholarships. It just hurts to think of the possibility that I could be passed over, not because of my actual skillset or level, but due to exam performance.

I know several people in high management positions who didn't even finish their degree. Also, I've never been asked about my degree because I got all of my jobs from word of mouth so far.

You are probably right if your goal is to work in a large conservative corporation. But for startups and medium sized companies,nobody cares.

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