Hacker News Reader

Comment by Milank | Hacker News Reader

What happens when you add kids to the equation?

I love my kid, but it has flipped my life upside down. My boss is understanding. I WFH, we have a nanny for 4 hours a day, but still I start work at 1:30PM. I have almost no will to learn new things. I was working on a side project and have little will to continue. Our personal life is suffering as we are both tired. We are considering a full time nanny which is going to hit our finances.

The early years are exceptionally difficult with 2 working parents (not to mention single). The first child especially is a shock to the system.

Most parents will say it gets loads easier after those first few years. Poor sleep makes everything harder.

It gets better.

I have to say I've no idea what I'd do if I couldn't send our child to daycare. I work from home, but past experience has taught me that I cannot work if he's home.

On the rare times he's been sick I stay home and take care of him, and don't even pretend to work. Too much "Daddy play with me", "Daddy look at this", etc. Even if he's basically sofa/bed-bound and sleeping all day I can't work.

At least in Finland we're allowed to have 9ish days of paid leave a year to take care of a sick child.

How do you deal with covid risk of nanny?

I can only explain my system but it works like this: try to drink alcohol every day. I'm not sure if it reduces the covid risk, but it just feels right.

I’m guessing your kid is quite young. Just to echo @ruffrey, hang in there, it gets better. They get easier and more independent, and you learn to adapt. Covid lockdown is a hell of a time to have a small child in the equation!

Totally feel you re side projects and learning new stuff though. There’s just no time and very little will. You need to find new ways to be effective with your time and energy, which can include making tough decisions about where you prioritise both.

Hang in there dude!

Oh, man, I opened Pandora's box with this question. :) I'm lucky to have boys of similar age, so they play each other whole day. On the other hand, they do need to eat, use toilet, peacekeeping from time to time, etc., so, it's a whole day duty. Luckily for me, I work for myself (a startup), so I can work anytime I want. For wife it's a bit different, she's 9-5 in normal circumstances, but with kids, it extends to the whole day.

It's not easy, but I love them.

Btw, my kids are 5 and 7 - to those of you with <4 years old kids, don't lose hope. As they grow and get more independent it gets easier. You'll have more time to get back to your side projects.

Look at this situation from the bright side - you are there for them now, when they need you the most, when their personalities are formed. Enjoy every moment, it will pass quicker than you think. Before you know it they'll be kicking you out of their room. And you'll be sad about it. ;)

This question simply disappears.

At least with young kids, you'll no longer have time or energy to consider questions like this.

ugh childcare has been so tough. We went from 1 to 2 kids in August and cannot find a nanny or babysitter that doesn't have a covid exposure every other week.

Things that have worked for us...

With the kids... family walks and car rides.

After bedtimes... grown up dinner + korean dramas. wine.

We also have a couple games that are fun when we can sneak them in - 5 crowns (5 suit rummy card game), star crossed (2 player role-playing game that uses a jenga set), lots of trivia couples betting (no fact checking to see who is right about something without making a honey-do bet about it)

Reply on news.ycombinator.com