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What you want, in this case, makes no difference. Desire is the root of all suffering. Try to make the most of the time you have, stop squandering it with worry and desiring things you can’t have.

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My philosophy professor would say exactly that, and then counter it with the fact that without desire you can’t make the most of anything because you can’t do anything that you’ll find meaningful. To desire is a very human thing to do and denying all desire is probably closer to death than not, no?

Your philosophy professor would recognize one of the four noble truths of Buddhism. Life has no meaning or purpose, so you can’t find any. You can try to find contentment, and it’s easier to do that by removing desire and disappointment than striving for the impossible.

You have expressed real fear and unhappiness. And lots of desires that you realize you can’t fulfill. Examine the relationship.

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