You describe perfectly the experience I had at one point many years ago. I don’t want to experience every cubic meter of the universe. And I lived my life for at least the past decade with the idea that I will chart my own path of what I want to experience and largely succeeded so far.

But what I am after is fundamentally different than experiencing the whole universe as individual pieces. It’s more that I don’t want to be limited. I don’t want to go away because that takes away my choice. If I die at 90, I don’t get to see my great grandkids get married at 120. If I die at 120 I don’t get to fall in love at 150. That’s my problem. I don’t want to become the universe. I want to remain human or as close to it as possible and for death to not be an eventuality forced upon me.

My dog is sentient. But she does not contemplate her end. I am cursed with it and it feels like the only way to beat it is to not die.