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Comment by blamestross | Hacker News Reader

There has been nothing more awkward in my life than achieving all of my lifelong goals. It is a rather wonderful problem to have, but still a problem. I'm not going to brag about the details, but in practice I set out to achieve some difficult goals as a teenager, and dedicated my life to them. It worked. I have everything I wanted. Now what? I've spent the last few years unsure of what to do with the rest of my life, and it is like being a teenager again as I flirt with new narratives. I'm only now just starting to settle into what I see as a "decade long effort" on a new set of goals.

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I’ve seen this with models, by the time they’re 22 they have lived in multiple countries, travelled on their own, in all the most classic and “romantic” places that they and other people have aspired to merely visit, and also been around all designers and shows that they dreamed of.

They’re not even at the place where they’re worried about needing to pivot professions, they’ve just done their aspirations - other people’s aspirations - and are left wondering whats next.

They pivot, go back to school. Find something new to be passionate about. Take the office job they thought they would hate but suddenly find it fulfilling.

For us obviously these are the basics: an “office job” lol.

But the concept is similar, adjusting learning something new. Its not just about aspiring for new experiences for yourself, there can be other fulfilling things that are repetitive where you dont really have to one-up yourself, just do it differently. Like art, festivals.

I've read something quite similar in a "where are they now?" article about a team that won the soccer world cup 30 years earlier.

These guys had bagged the highest possible achievement in their field, most in their 20s. Now what?

Most tried to stay in the field and go the coach/management route. One actually managed to get to a second world cup as head coach and place second. Several languished as coaches of lower league teams, clearly unhappy (or at least the article portrayed them so). Some became TV commentators. Only one left the sport behind completely, invested his money and lived in the USA.

It seems like this is a pretty normal reaction. I listened to an interview with a shot-putter who originally won silver in the Olympics, but then years later was given the gold medal when the original winner was discovered to have used steroids. He met the official in a food court at the mall and handed them his silver, and they gave him his new gold, and then he left. And after years of single-minded work, suddenly he had reached his goal, and there was no happily ever after waiting for him.

For me it would be about the ceremony and recognition of getting the medal not getting the medal in and of itself so it would be a sour result for me to experience that.

I hope the fact that I can recognize this about myself helps me avoid pitfalls in choosing goals.

I'm pretty sure that if you wanted to, you could create a media splash out of this event. It wouldn't be as big as the original Olympics, but it's pretty newsworthy.

Exactly the same for me. I had a bunch of goals; I fulfilled most of them, and the ones I didn't/couldn't I god much better alternatives for. I have not created any new goals; a lot of changes have happened recently, and fulfillment of my previous ambitions is just keeping me in some sort of skewed confidence that I just need to react to whatever life throws at me now.

Although, I'm thoroughly fed up of what I liked to do earlier; now I'm looking for a new career path. Let's see how it goes.

> There has been nothing more awkward in my life than achieving all of my lifelong goals.

This is why I lament the realities of the path of some who achieved success at too early an age, especially if they delayed coming of age in order to do so. Its not uncommon to hear about the teenage bitcoin millionaire or a really young founder that got lucky on his first shot, but when one of those kids enter your life you're shocked at how miserable and depressed they are. They seem to lack purpose entirely and seem to get in the way of what you would think would be 'happiness.'

Peaking so early in life has to be less about awkwardness and more about the fear knowing it will likely all just be downhill from that high and you're just filling the void until death; many would think (myself included) that you'd enjoy the luxuries it affords all while still having your youth and the excitement that creates but the reality is most just languish in that situation and are aimless if they never saw anything worth pursuing beside those goals from an early age.

I'm guilty of sacrificing far too much to achieve my goals: youth, social life, relationships, stability, money, (mental and physical) health etc... but it took me until my mid 30s to see why that tired cliche about it being 'more about ride than the destination' to realize why its true.

I learned so much about myself from all of the painful mistakes, the struggle and the resilience you create to cope with it and came to value the relationships I made along the way that made any of it possible more than what a 'fat exit' from a startup ever could. I only recently realized I came out a better person: I'm far from perfect, but I noticed I'm a much more compassionate, empathetic, and genuinely kind person, one that people actually enjoy being around and spending time with even with all my 'baggage.'

Whereas my younger self idealized a cunning, scheming, cut-throat opportunist who could thrive in any situation whatever the cost. Essentially it made be re-evaluate the value of People, Community and Humanity in general; instead of just succumbing to the nihilist, reductionist that feels that the height of one's existence could somehow elevate them to a fabricated position and even allow them to take pleasure in seeing the World burn from an ivory tower because at least 'I made it.'

> This is why I lament the realities of the path of some who achieved success at too early an age, especially if they delayed coming of age in order to do so. Its not uncommon to hear about the teenage bitcoin millionaire or a really young founder that got lucky on his first shot, but when one of those kids enter your life you're shocked at how miserable and depressed they are. They seem to lack purpose entirely and seem to get in the way of what you would think would be 'happiness.'

To watch it unfold live, just go through Notch's twitter feed...

Were they modest goals, or are you being humble? I for one would enjoy hearing your story.

I wanted to be a software engineer, make interesting things and a lot of money.

At 28 I had a PhD in computer science, worked for Google, and was basically as far along in my career as I had the passion to do. I was a TL (happily not one now). I've moved to a smaller company and I'm liking that. I have accumulated about half of my retirement fund (I'm not expecting to live much past 60 due to health issues, so I need retire early or die working). My goal for the next 10 years is to establish the "retirement" phase of my life. Accumulate enough money, lower my CoL and build infrastructure to keep me fed and entertained for the next 30 years. I have a backlog of "things I really want to do to but nobody will pay me for" that I hope to be free to work on until I die.

> and it is like being a teenager again as I flirt with new narratives.

That's an interesting way to see it! So is your overall take on life now a positive or a negative one? Or is it somewhere in between?

> I'm only now just starting to settle into what I see as a "decade long effort" on a new set of goals.

Goals can lead you astray, though. Sometimes you don't actually want to achieve them[0] or you do want to achieve them but don't and end up frustrated because you keep on measuring yourself against them. Or, well, you do achieve them and still end up being miserable.

Years ago I read this blog post[1] and it resonated a lot with me. Now I prefer to view my life through the problems I have or don't have, instead of the goals I have achieved or have not achieved.

[0]: https://markmanson.net/dreams

[1]: https://markmanson.net/question

What about setting the goal as a "routine" instead of an end result? e.g. Every week, jog 3 times, each for 10 km. Instead of running a full marathon by year 2021. That way the process itself is the pursuit and you can only achieve more and more. For me, coding itself falls in this category that I have yet to grow tired of

That is how you win. You achieve the "big goals" via obsessive habits. But those things are not the same as "I've reached as far into my career, education, relationships, and economic gains as I ever had a passion to do". I'm not tired of coding, I do it every day and it is still rewarding. But that isn't a life goal.

You get there, only to find out that there's no there there.

Don't worry, there are more things to do than there are years in your life. Try something else. Go visit some tall mountains, learn to drive/pilot something new, make an art, volunteer somewhere new, or just live differently than you have in the past.

It might not be fulfilling, but at least it'll be less boring. There's nothing worse than getting stuck in a rut, and telling yourself that you're only trying something for a few months is a good way to find interests that you never knew you had.

> You get there, only to find out that there's no there there.

There's the saying "wherever you go, there you are." At some point I ran across the idea that them emphasis should be on the "you;" wherever you go, there you are.

Also, you basically described retirement.

I have so much I want to do, I can't see ever retiring until I'm forced to or they carry me out in a box. I work most every day on various projects. Vacations are dull, there's only so much running around and looking at things until I just want to get back to work.

I have the opposite problem. I keep moving the goal post. My goals seem to change as my perspective changes. To a point where I feel like I will never accomplish everything I want to.

Same. If you figure it, let me know.

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