I have a very persuadable personality, and despite my anxiety in social interactions, I was often pushed into things that everyone was doing, but I wasn't enjoying doing. So much time was spent playing games I don't like, doing sports that weren't my strength.
When I reflect on my younger years, I'd probably had been less sullen and depressed if I allowed myself to stay in my apartments, studying, making music, and just not concerning so much about people's invitations. I should've just taken the damn violin classes instead of going to tennis courts; or written my damn novel, instead of going to the party watching people drink alcohol and blow on ping-pong balls.
For those who enjoy parties, they were fond memories. For me, they only exacerbated my loneliness.
There are two realizations that came to me too late: 1). I don't need to appease to every interests of my immediate circle to maintain friendships; it's in fact somewhat counter-productive. 2). however niche a hobby is, there are probably enough people also doing it to give me enough society, especially in the age of internet.
By first asserting to myself my actual passions, and seeking friends based on that, I actually get a broader circle of friends in a more organic way.
Over the years, PG has written other useful essays on leveraging better mental models when facing uncertainty, increasing situational awareness in spite of contextual or cultural biases and applying Bayesian reasoning toward more effective life choices. My key takeaway has been that I'm now less likely to beat myself up over past mistaken choices, as long I had...
1. Evaluated the decision with diligence appropriate to the value or risk I perceived.
2. Applied the most appropriate mental model I had.
3. Was not knowingly in conflict with my core values at the time (given my current resources, abilities and maturity).
This helps me learn and grow from my major mistakes while reducing unproductive rumination and inappropriate self-blame. Considering alternative possible context and motivations in the absence of information helps me avoid leaping to unjustified conclusions. This has led to being more reflective and understanding when it comes to the mistakes of others. The tangible benefit externally has been improved relationships with family, friends and co-workers. Internally, I seem to accrue negative emotional life baggage at a lower rate than before.
I once thought Gopher was the future, that spread-spectrum would beat TDMA, that video over the Internet was too inefficient to be useful, and that web design, like book design, would stabilize and become routine.
I feel as if I'd have been miles ahead if I had just done what most of my uni colleagues did instead of trying to somehow skip a step or two.
Not really. You say that now as if your non partying time would have been perfectly spent toward a goal of bettering yourself. In actuality you probably would have just putzed around in your dorm not doing anything that would have impacted your professional life trajectory.
Yes, but actually no. Forcing yourself to be productive usually has diminishing returns after a while.
One thing that helps is keeping in touch with friends that made such decisions and hearing their regrets today.
That house is now worth 3 times more today than when I bought it, almost all popular technologies from 10 years ago are dead and unmaintained today whereas the technology I made for myself forms the basis of my software company, and frankly I don't know many people in their 30s who still continue to maintain the same kind of friendship with their party buddies.
All this to say that it's irrelevant whether you do things everyone else does or do things no one else does. It's just a very poor way of reasoning about anything in life.
I don't know who your "everyone" is, but to do this is extremely conventional financial advice...
Just because everyone tells you not to buy a house doesn't mean you should buy one. I didn't buy my house because everyone told me not to, that would be incredibly stupid. In fact I would even go further and say that doing the opposite of what everyone tells you to do for the sake of being contrarian is worse than just going with the flow.
You can listen to people's reasons and try to appreciate where they are coming from and you can definitely learn from that, but making a decision on the basis of what everyone else is saying to do, one way or another, is bad advice.
I was not in a position to buy then, but IIRC the market had plummeted the previous year and was at an all-time low; if you were in a position to buy, it was a great time to do it.
I can't argue with the logic but not sure what it contributes to the OP point.
My response is simply that it's irrelevant what everyone else is doing and to not make decisions on that basis. Sometimes most people do things for good reasons and it's worth knowing those reasons and participating in the same actions. Sometimes most people do things for bad reasons and you should avoid doing them even though it will make you unpopular.
Don't decide to buy a house because everyone else is doing it or not doing it, buy a house because it's a sound financial decision based on your own personal life situation.
In general, focus on the reasons, not on the popularity.