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Comment by jedimastert | Hacker News Reader

> The newborn phase was really hard for me

So many people led me to believe that I would fall in love with my kid the instant I first laid eyes on her, and it simply wasn't the case. I love her so much now, but it definitely wasn't the immediate flip of a switch that some may believe

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I also really, really wasn't into babies before becoming a father, then when they were there, it was actually kinda okay — but now that they can talk, reason and you can mess with them, it's definitely _so_ much cooler.

What's interesting though is that for me, having spent time with a baby seems to have changed some wirings retroactively. Just saw a toddler yesterday doing random things and having so much fun in the puddles, it was reeeeally cute. Good memories.

What nobody tells you though is that annoyingness and cuteness go hand in hand. As soon as they stop being annoying, they also stop being cute. It's hard to enjoy much of that cuteness because life's generally hard, loud and exhausting with a toddler. But as soon as it starts getting better, you also realize how much you miss that will never come back.

As Paul Graham said so wisely: There are only 52 weekends you will ever have with your three year old. Life is short, use it. Or at the very least, try to :)

> There are only 52 weekends you will ever have with your three year old.

I'm confused. Shouldn't it be 156?

Not while they are exactly three years old. There will be 52 weekends with a one year old, 52 weekends with a two year old, etc.

They're only 3.00 to 3.99 years old for 52 weeks

In 104 of those weekends, they're not 3

The first 104, she wasn't three yet...

I think the idea is that your three year old is going to be a very different four year old, who again was different to who they were as a two year old.

Looking back, I think the issue here is that most of the people who give me (mostly unsolicited) parenting advice (VERY MUCH MY PERSONAL EXPERIENCE INCOMING) is sub-urban middle-aged moms, who genuinely have no idea that this reaction is a biological one specific to females and the child-birth process.

There are plenty of things I miss about the south, but unsolicited parenting advice is one of them. Very much a "you're not really an adult" vibes

I’ve never felt that way about any of my kids, nor have my (male) friends of theirs. I don’t know if it’s a guy thing or not. My daughter was the closest I got to those warm fuzzies. My two sons... I found them more irritating than anything else for the first six months or so.

I am a bit late, but I want to add my 2 cents, because I see a pattern here.

My wife had serious complications after birth, so she basically wasn't there for the first 4 months. We had help during work hours, but all the rest of the care fell on me. I woke up 4 times a night to feed our kid, took him with me almost everywhere (in one of these https://media.s-bol.com/RoDEQRlMPRYY/386x840.jpg ), sat with him when he couldn't sleep, etc.

We bonded hard. My wife reported similar feelings like those described in the other comments. It took her a few years to catch up.

It's a really crazy time and it can feel like your life has been turned upside down at first. And there's no going back.

In addition you are very sleep deprived.

I know someone who said "I love him, but I don't like him" in relation to their new born.

It can take a while to come to terms and bond properly. You don't get anything back at the start. Once they start smiling, laughing, etc, it becomes even more magical.

Anecdotally, all of my father friends felt the exact same way.

Same with me. I think a few people overstate the feeling of their new bond to the point that it's supposedly become normal.

I also wonder if people are talking about different things.

It's difficult for me to overstate the emotional impact at the moment of the birth of my kid. It was intense and powerful. I've never felt anything like it, before or since. There was definitely something there.

But the bond didn't come for me until I could actually interact with this other human being. Offering a bottle and hearing a coo in response didn't really do it. Playing peekaboo was sort of the beginning for me, I guess.

I could definitely see someone conflating or confusing the two experiences.

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