I did look into matrix, but either I have to host a server myself or I will forever be stuck on one other guys server, right? Then there is no reason to move to it and it is not really anymore federated than email.
> or I will forever be stuck on one other guys server, right
This is valid criticism at the moment. There is work being allocated on fixing this issue, with multiple protocol drafts, but it might take a year a two before you can finally transfer accounts between servers.
In my mind a true federated service would allow me to move my stuff from one place to any other place, kinda the way I can move my domain to a new host.