As a natural born Canadian, I'd give you full citizenship right now if I could, only based on the fact you called "Canadian Tire" "Crappy Tire"! Well done sir! You ARE a Canadian!
... still not a citizen though. That's a LONG process!
Things are most likely different now.
And that's just to apply. The process can easily take a year or two longer. Also every day I spend outside Canada (holiday, visiting family, whatever) pushes that back.
It's a LONG process.
To be eligible to become a Canadian citizen, you must:
be a permanent resident
have lived in Canada for 3 out of the last 5 years
have filed your taxes, if you need to
pass a citizenship test
prove your language skills
Other requirements may apply.
My application in mid 2015 was denied because they received it the day after the rules changed from what you posted to what I posted.
It must have changed back in the mean time, and I've never looked into it again.
Thanks very much!
And because you said "ages ago" I suspect you and I have the same original passport.