- lack of empathy - entitlement to special treatment - superficial - constantly seeking validation and admiration - manipulative, exploitative, lying
Note that covert/vulnerable narcissists are mostly like that but they trade charm for a ton of passive-aggressive behaviors and snide remarks. Charisma is the favorite tool of classic, grandiose narcissists.
Some people want attention and do all the right things to get it: pursue the right goals, get people together to do stuff that's good for humanity. You'd better believe that many people whom we view very positively might have been narcissists: Ghandi, Mother Teresa, etc. But the difference is they did GOOD things to get the attention and power they thought they deserved.
I think it has to do with the values you absorb as a very young person. We all have a drive for attention, for power, for comfort, for security. For some the drive, and the talent or "charisma" to achieve those goals is higher.
The decisions made along the way, the considerations of the side effects, and what you DO with that power are what distinguish people like Donald Trump and Hitler from people like Barack Obama and Nelson Mandela. And let's not get it wrong; even the latter two have a few spots on their records. No one is perfect.
She also has a video on "communal narcissists" - a breed of narcissists on a mission to help people that are very careful about documenting every single thing they do. Upon closer inspection, it turns out many people do good things only to be in spotlight and are mean to people close to them, including assistants who work for their success. She says whether it's worth it for the society in the end is a philosophical question.
I feel like we would have heard stories about Barack Obama tormenting his subordinates by now if he was truly narcissistic.