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Comment by munificent | Hacker News Reader

I find raising kids to be this constant low-grade form of grief. They change so fast that I am always noting the passing of the little person they used to be, replaced by the similar but slightly different person they are now. I've grieved the passing of their infancy, toddler years, and now most of their early childhood.

Sometimes I ache with the desire to go back and time to visit those past selves, to cradle them as babies or hear their goofy mispronunciations one more time.

I cannot fathom the pain of having to experience all of that grieving in fast forward, every day.

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While I can definitely relate to this feeling, at the same time there is constant exhileration because I get to go through all of the stages of childhood again (this time as an adult, but really, I’m just as excited as he is about his first day in kindergarden).

> Sometimes I ache with the desire to go back and time to visit those past selves, to cradle them as babies or hear their goofy mispronunciations one more time.

Yes, I understand the feeling. You will get that chance when you have grandchildren!

I never understood why grandparents were so into their grandkids until my kids started getting older. Then it clicked.

In many ways, parenting is like a video game where you only get to play each level exactly once before you're dragged to the next one. As soon as you master one stage of your kids' development they've outgrown it and you're back to fumbling your way through unexplored territory again.

Having the chance to play "Human: Level 1" again sounds pretty amazing. Not to mention getting to hold and snuggle a baby again. Babies are amazing, especially when you only have to take care of them part-time.

If you have several children - you get to play each level several times.

With the others acting as NPC's in game for bonus fun!

True, but the problem is that now you're replaying level 1 but also trying to play level 3 at the same time.

I have felt this quite strongly but never quite articulated it. Thank you for the clarity.

It took me a really long time to understand what I was feeling. I could sense this bittersweet thing whenever the kids accomplished something new but didn't know where it came from.

Then it clicked for me one day: I miss their younger selves. Every new milestone is the end of a phase that I'll never get to see again.

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