Hacker News Reader

Comment by gautamcgoel | Hacker News Reader

Can you please expand on that advice? What should we be paying attention to?

You're already getting the hang of it.

Just don't think about work, startups, money, etc when you are eating dinner with your family, or spending time with them. Harder than it sounds.

I had kids late in life, which I think has some advantages. One is that you've learnt that nothing lasts and it's important to be present in the moment, because it doesn't come back.

May I be so bold and ask what constitutes 'late in life' for you?

I like Dan Millman's lesson in a Peaceful Warrior

What time is it? Now Where are you? Here

I really like the scene in the movie where Socrates throws him off the bridge and Dan flips out and Socrates simply responds something along the lines "but while you were flying through the air your mind was completely focused on one thing. You even had a name for it: arghhhh!"

Man that book was epic when I discovered it all those years ago. Especially since I had a habit of visiting gas stations at odd hours of the night too.

Your teeth. Pay attention to your dental health.

I had mediocre dental care for most of my life. Not bad, but I never liked it. I got my first crown, was supposed to get two. It was traumatic. It didn’t feel good. I was depressed.

I found a dentist recommendation. Visited him, he looked at my teeth and said while it all met “the standard of care”, some of the old work would eventually need to be replaced, and the crown fit could be improved, and the other crown I needed could be replaced with an alternate procedure.

I got a good feeling from him. I spent the next 3 months having him re-do everything in my mouth. i was terrified and uncomfortable but I just went into it headlong. I was a bit flu$h, but it didn’t actually cost a lot.

It made all the difference in the world. My bite felt better. My teeth felt good. The tooth sensitivity to temperature vanished. I never think about My teeth anymore. They work, they are comfortable.

I think of myself as someone who is scared of dental visits. He cured me of that. I plan and attend each visit diligently.

I have a new dentist now.. I moved. I found someone I like. Understanding that my dental dissatisfaction was rooted in work that “met the standard of care” but which wasn’t satisfactory with each bite and sip I took was transformational.

I also floss diligently.

I asked a dental hygienist about this: "Why is there a focus on relaxed, spa-like dental practices? Who are these people who are scared of the dentist?"

She said it absolutely came down to past experiences. Apparently there are some really shitty dentists out there, in the sense of causing unpleasant experiences.

If you didn't get one of those as a child, you have no problem with visiting the dentist. If you did, dentists terrify you.

I never really thought about it that way before.

Yes, I had a rough-handed dentist as a child, and in one year, had to have a bunch of cavities filled. It felt like a horror show to me.

I don't care about the facilities themselves... but when looking for a dentist now I've put it out directly that I have a past fear of dentistry, and I've been assigned a hygienist who has a more careful bedside manner than others. It says right on my chart that I'm anxious about dentistry. The newest doc I've had to switch to was diligent about noting it and talking me through, acknowledging where I was coming from. Metal on teeth is also a thing for me.

I'm pretty much over the hump now, but it was an effort to work through it. A few good offices who where explicit in their response to my feelings did wonders, too.

And sunscreen. Taking care of your skin (especially your face!) is one of the easiest passive ways to help yourself age gracefully.

Take care of the big 3: Dental, mental and genital.

Whatever advice an older person can give it is problematic in that it is only one point of view, and might be wholly inapplicable to your life given the fact you are a different person raised in different circumstances. You’d be hard pressed to find a counsellor having heard you rant for 100 hours give you advice. They only give you tools.

I’m older and I realise myself that I need advice, I’m not in need of giving it.

Coincidence - You weren't paying attention to the other half of what was going on - stand on Zanzibar

be conscious.

be mindful.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com