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OK, then after taxes, rent, food, utilities, entertainment, savings, and everything else, my salary is also $0.

Salary is what your employer pays you, not what you don't spend out of that.

And if you consider the university to be your employer...

But people, this was not meant entirely seriously.

Negative salary is an oxymoron. How can you consider debt a form of compensation?

Tuition is a little special, since it's essentially money I'm paying for the privilege of working on something I'm not being paid for.

That would be net income, not gross. Net income is salary/other income minus expenses. That's clearly not what people are entering here.