If it makes you feel any better, getting into FAANG is my life goal. Getting in even just once is enough. I'd finally win my own respect, that of my parents, and everyone else (though I'm sure no one really cares). I'm also jaded about programming in general and I know I'm not going to love the work, but at least the FAANG job experience will give you 1) proper credentials to get an interview easier at other jobs if needed and 2) a surefire path to financial independence. I currently work at a small company making around 1/3-1/5 your pay and when monthly expenses eat 60-80% of take home salary, building up wealth just isn't as optimistic. So give yourself a pat on the back.