But the difference in understanding that at superficial level vs being able to experience that at a deeper level, is what caused changes to my behaviour at a deeper level and is the real revelation.
As to how I experienced that, I would preface this by saying that this is going to be very unique for everyone depending on how your mind communicates with itself so I won't go into the exact process for fear of someone trying to emulate my path exactly (self-leadership is more important than being led). It is something I came up with myself rather than a specific therapy (again, self-leadership)
After many many sessions of eventually being able to see and feel the parts of myself pushing against each other. I began to see the person that I thought was me, which was the 'cleverest part', that was centered in the front part of my brain and that denied listening to the rest of my body. Was really a small piece of a whole. When I realised I could move my observation and inhabit different parts of my mind and body that is when I knew I wasn't leading the show in the way I believed I was.
I could see I didn't have control of the other voices or feelings that were inside of me. They would express what they wanted. I could either deny, accept them or attempt to change it if I thought that part was maladjusted and needed help. An example of a maladjusted response might be wanting to apologise for being abused or feeling shame for things that I had no control over.
As an aside, based on various therapies I’ve worked out my method of emotional acceptance of past events and traumas which has and is helping me to accept and integrate them, but it still feels crude. I catch any strong emotion and then observe it and allow it and accept it. Sometimes it’s tied to a seemingly trivial memory(my mind trick is that the memory is not actually trivial) which I can look at and integrate and accept as well.
- waking up when the alarm goes
- hitting snooze a few times
- getting out of bed with the right leg first
- wearing the blue shirt instead of the black one
- lifting your foot to avoid the doorstep when stepping out of the front door
- breathing, for that matter, or your heartbeat, your digestive processes, etc.
Honestly the 20%-30% number is way off. I would guesstimate something like 1-2% conscious decisions max.
> We have this principle we use when we're trying to locate someone who doesn't want to be discovered.
> You are what you can't stop doing.
> What that means is if we discover what someone is passionate about, then that person and that thing will intersect. Passion involves compulsion. And people, all people, have compulsions that draw them away from their safety and their best interests. People and what they love don't always intersect. People and their compulsions do. And John, well, he's compelled toward you. He's crazy about you.
And it's a quote I have a hard time not thinking about, ironically..