As a gentile, it seems pretty obvious to me that this is borderline satire. You sound like Devin Nunes apoplectic about how it is not actually one of his farm animals criticizing him on twitter.
Growing up with those restrictions seems to do wonders for one's sense of humor.
He also had a divorce and wants to shoot refuges, so :)
Note however that Islam has similar restrictions but an entirely different way to deal with them (respecting the spirit as well as their letter). My pet theory about the approach of the three main Abrahamic religions to restrictions:
1) Christianity: (loosely) respects the spirit but not the letter;
2) Islam: respects both the spirit and the letter.
3) Judaism: respects only the letter.
It's staying within the spirit and the letter. The letter never dictates NOT to stun the animal. As a matter of fact, there are narrations that order us to make it as easy as possible on the animal being slaughtered. This falls perfectly inline with the sprit and letter.
This demonstrates a woeful ignorance of Judaism, and is a common stereotype promulgated by competing religions
I don't really see this as any different from the people trying to browse the web from a Commodore 64, or implement a web server entirely in Bash.
Whatever makes more money to issuers of kashrut compliance papers and kashrut inspectors.